Wicked Skatewear

Design Strychnine's Skates!

2012-02-16T13:19:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

We at Wicked Skatewear need your advice!

Suzy Strychnine is getting new skates and they have to be fantasticalawesomeradnesssauce (and any other complimentary adjective you can imagine). She's decided she wants the Riedell 265 boot (which I also skate on and LOVE) and for the color she's totally stumped.

It's (apparently) not because she's colorblind (she assures me she knows her hair is pink). Rather because there are so many great options to choose from!

So the quest for you is- Design Boss9's skates!

A few helpful tips:
*Use Riedell Color Lab, found here
or you can use this URL:
http://www.roller.riedellskates.com/Colorlab/index.html
(trust me it's addicting-SO DARN FUN.)
*Submit your designs to info@wickedskatewear.com by Friday, February 24th
*The winning design will receive 20% off and free shipping on your new Riedell skate package
*In case some of you are not more personally acquainted her, here's a picture to help inspire you with the essence of Strych9...

The rest is in your hands!

Love,

Plates, Trucks and Chickens - Oh My!

2012-01-25T18:32:00.001-08:00

Why did the chicken and Pat Benatar come to Wicked Skatewear?
To check out the double action, 45 degree aluminum plates!

"What the?" you ask?

In the recent weeks we've had the pleasure of hosting reps from Riedell and Sure-Grip at the Wicked homebase to teach us all about those things on the bottom of our skates.

Here's some vocabulary to get you started:
Plate: The rigid bottom attached to your skate. It can be made of titanium, magnesium, aluminum, nylon, or other materials (even glass filled) which will all effect how it feels, reacts, and lasts.
Kingpin: attaches what is known as "the truck" to the plate. This can be solid or hollow and it's angle effects the smoothness and responsiveness of your roll.
Single Action: A plate that has only one cushion on each truck
Double action: A plate that has two cushions on each truck
45 degree: a kingpin that is at a 45 degree angle will create a more snappy, and responsive feel to the skate.
10 degree: a kingpin that is at a 10 degree angle will create a smoother roll.
Short mount or short forward mount: A plate that is mounted towards the front of your foot (toe) as opposed to nearer to the heel.

Above: This picture was taken of Conan last year as he explained to us the Riedell packages. A couple months ago, he visited to show us Riedell's PowerDyne plate line! The picture we have isn't as awesome.

Below: Chris and Steven of Sure-Grip telling us the history of company, explaining the 45 degree angle and passing around the Avengers! Plus. This was taken right before the Wicked Family Portrait :D

What we learned:

Hey everybody I'm Scar, and as a rollergirl I was ashamed of how little I knew about the (arguably) most important piece of equipment in my sport. I had always felt as long as the skates roll and don't blister my feet too horribly they must be alright. During plate training I learned not only that these companies put so much time and thought into every minutia of their products, but that I should care more too. The reason being that by finding the correct plate setup for you (cushions, kingpin angle, plate material, etc) you can maximize your performance. I also learned how to better serve customers, because what may be best for me, might not be best for them. I know personally I skate on the Wicked (Riedell 265) setup with the Dynapro plate and am very content with it, but that others may prefer the sure grip avenger plate for their skating style. Different strokes for different folks..... or something like that :)

Missy from Wicked LA suggests: go with something light and learn how to take it apart and put it back together! :D

Cherry from Wicked LA says: I've been on my Reactors for 3 years and LOVE THEM! Agree with Missy, go with something light, and learn about it for sure! BUT don't feel like you absolutely HAVE to get something that squirellier than you can handle. If you like stability in skating, that's totally cool. If you like crazy-maneuverability, that's super cool too. There's no right or wrong when it comes to that, just what fits your personal skating style :)

Lipstick from Wicked HQ learned the most about cranking down the cushions! It will affect the strength of the truck. In other words - if you feel the need to crank down on the cushions for better performance ... change the cushions before you snap the truck.

Hey Everyone! B-Train here. For the past year, I've been skating on the AR1 and Revenge plates. Step up for me from the 595 boot and DynaPro plate (they held up for 3+ years!). The main thing that I took away from the trainings: short mount. I used to think it's like this mystical creature that only super amazingly fast skaters do because it makes you more forward on your feet to go ZOOM (at least that's what a skater told me a couple years ago). I was freaked out because I like my weight to be in my heals for lateral movement. Turns out - it's kinda angles, math and I shouldn't be such a spaz :D

Check it out:

I grabbed the Avenger that I'm going to mount to either an AR1 or 495 boot. It will be about'ish the same size boot so I want to show you placement.

Above: On the AR1 is the Revenge plate. 10 degree kingpin. It's mounted towards the back of the skate. If we were to mount the Avenger/45 Degree in the same place - look at where the front axel is ... the wheels won't really be under the ball of your foot and that's where you get a lot of your power in the cross overs. That last final push when you point your toe out of it. Also - look at the toe stop. It's not really under your toe.

Birdseye view of the same picture above. Look at the toe stop placement.

Now - if I take the same Avenger/45 Degree plate and place it at the front of the boot for mounting ...

Wheels will be under the ball of your foot. Toe stop will be under your toes. Dog will approve of your decisions.

Moral of the story - it all comes down to trying stuff, preferences & feelings. This year - I'm going to try the PowerDyne Reactor plate and also the Avenger. Here's to roller derby!

Love,

Riedell: Factory Tour!

2011-11-29T16:49:00.000-08:00

Believe it or not - skates do not grow on trees!

Last week - I was fortunate enough to visit the sacred land of Red Wing, MN and tour the Riedell facility! They are a family owned/operated business and have been making boots since 1945 so it was a rad experience to spent time with the Riegelman's.

Preface: I AM A NERD. like. Huge nerd. I love operations, queues, bottle necks and efficient stuffs. One of my favorite books: The Goal. So - a lot of this post will be super fun for me to write about ... and I'm totally okay if you just look at the pictures :D

Preface Numero Dos: There's probably stuff that I'm missing or that will be edited over time. Example: There are 150 operations or things that have to happen for the Antik AR1 boot (JUST THE BOOT) to make it from start to finish. I surely am not listing out all of the operations ;)

FIRST! The largest all leather boot in the world at Red Wing Shoes.

The Tour!
Dan was the lead and let me say - he is amazing. The details/whys/what's the big deals will come out throughout this post.

Meet cow hide. Closest point to me is the belly. While it makes sense, I didn't know that each section of a leather boot is cut from a certain part of the hide and with or against particular grains.

Cutters.
It's an Antik stamp!
This machine stamps out the size and batch on the inside lining of our skates (above and example below). Also - some of these machines are 40, 50 or 60 years old and still killing it!
Sewing the 126 Boot!
The line!
Here is where I learned that Riedell implemented the Toyota Sewing System in 1998. (nerd alert)! Earlier in the tour, Dan mentioned batch sizes of 1, 3 or 6. Previously it was 12 and it all came together in at least a 10 minute session of me just firing off questions. From 1945-1997, 12 pieces of all things would be made at the same time by everyone on the line. This process would take 4-6 weeks just to make a regular batch of standard skate boots. There are several more things that go into the process, though moral of the story - reduce the batch sizes and the time that it takes to make a batch is also reduced. I HEART Just In Time Systems! Also - certain operations take either longer or shorter periods of time to make things. So/Example: if I'm doing something that takes 3 minutes and person to my left has a job where it takes him 25 seconds to make his portion of something that I need to take the thing to the next step, his stuff will just stack up next to me & a bottle neck is created.

Notice the wheels on the tables - if a machine goes down, a new one can easily be replaced. At Wicked - we have back up heat presses and vinyl cutters so that if something decides to go on strike ... :BOOM: ... take out feisty machine and insert one that wants to behave to keep orders moving out the door.
Above: Lights! Is something wrong? Is something really wrong? OH *&^% RED LIGHT.
Below: At the end of the line is a super cool panel. Goal v Actual. Each line has a different goal because each line does different stuff that takes different times to make. If the Goal is 40 widgets and Actual time is 40 or below - ROCK ON. If it's a higher (I'm sure that there's a percentage threshold), then a manager can come in & see SUP then implement changes. It's also awesome because the team working on the line can see where they as a group stands.
Lasts!
Hey - you know that thing that you can't see in your skate though it feels like a knife at first? Meet the Counter (pictured below). It provides the structure to your boot. Grandpa Riegelman was an ice figure skater. To prove the structure of the boots, he would grab a finished skate from the line with NO laces and go skate a local pond. Over time - it will mold to your foot and be awesome :)
265 booths and lasts!
The owner of this poster was not at their desk. If it doesn't work out at Riedell, there is always a job for you at Wicked Skatewear :D
If you have ordered a pair of custom skates within the past 10 years - your foot tracings are right here! Not special color fancy skates - like I have 7 toes, a bunion the size of Montezuma and a tiny heel ... here's where your folder is :)

There you have it! If you don't find yourself wandering around Red Wing, MN and you're wondering how your roller skate boots are made ... here you go ;)

Happy Holidays!

Love,

B-Train

What's this Heel Lock that you speak of?

2011-11-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

Happy Thursday everyone!

We recently sold a pair of Antiks and received a request - "I can't find any info on how to lace the heel lock system thing. How do I do that?"

Well kids! Here's everything that I just texted! We wanted to share :)

1'ish) Lace to here:

2.) Cross in front:

3.) Cross in back:
4.) Tie in front. TAH DAH!

Disclaimers!
1.) I LOVE MY SKATES. Like. Love them. Is it bad that I still wave & smile at them?
2.) I don't lace them all of the way up. Can you? Should you? Sure! It's all skating preference at this point :) My right ankle is a wee bit busted at the moment. My Bauer ice hockey skates lace all the way up so there's more support and I don't worry about it playing hockey. I tried to lace my AR1s all the way versus going to the store to get a brace and I hated it. Now I'm sporting a brace with the skates. Am I high maintenance and a prissy pants? YES!
3.) With the steps - I started with 1'ish because I know that there are going to be several wise asses in the crowd saying, well - step 1 is technically buying the skates, receiving them, opening the box, etc etc etc .... we still love you ;)

Still have questions? Email btrain at wickedskatewear dot com!

LOVES YOUS!
b

Cupcakes- the result!

2011-10-08T13:50:00.000-07:00

A while back we asked everyone "what flavor is Wicked?"

We got awesome responses- and recipes! I look forward to making all them (having someone make them for me) at some point!
Eventually we left it up to Chupacabra and all her magical dessert making skills to decide what Wicked tastes like. After hearing all the suggestions, and brainstorming on her own she went to work. A grueling process that involved ordering edible glitter off amazon, teaching herself how to make vegan frosting, and asking her mom to buy her alchohol to flavor them with. (Somehow the "yes I know I'm underage.... but I'm only using it for cooking purposes!" didn't work?)

Without further ado,

TADA!!!!!
The woman, and the legend. We love her.

However that picture hardly does their deliciousness justice. Here's a closer look...I wish I could have an unlimited supply and give each and every one of you a cupcake so you can fully appreciate Wicked with another of your senses. Hopefully this description will suffice: You are looking at Boones Farm flavored cupcakes. Hot pink vegan icing that has boones flavor in it as well, and is adorned with edible glitter. On top of that is a delectible vegan chocolate mustache, in varying styles of course.

My personal review of the cupcakes: OMG. Five stars.

The general consensus: something just Wicked'd in my mouth.

Wicked Skatewear - A Case Study!

2011-10-06T16:57:00.000-07:00

I'm going to direct your attention away from the stopper derby debates, protests on wall street, RIP Steve Jobs for you have changed our world and let you know that one of my dreams is coming true right now!

I graduated from University of California's Paul Merage School of Business in May 2010 with an MBA. About this time last fall, I made a commitment to myself that I'd keep a business journal because I had a goal of in 3-5 years to either write a book or get Wicked Skatewear to be a case study. This wasn't like a "Dear Diary" either. I would either write when I got home from the day or wake up at 6am to recount what happened, what did I learn, what can we do, what are we gonna do, what vendors rule, what vendors are OMFGHOWDOYOUFUNCTIONATLIFE, what makes each organization what they are, what can we do to not be those kids who made us tear our hair out earlier in the day, what is ruling for the organizations killing it, etc etc etc.

Needless to say - I was super diligent in the beginning! Then it kinda got boring because it was the same vendors being awesome & we implemented what they were doing, it was the same vendors being a pain & we implemented everything that they were not doing and for every 1 moment of celebration, there are 5 moments of planning.

I still keep the journal. It's definitely less glorious. There's probably a few footprints on some pages from it being left kinda open near my desk. Whoops. Now - it's all meeting notes.

Since graduation - I've kept in touch with a rad individual who I interned for while in grad school. Valerie Sheppard. Who is she? Fantastical. That's really what her resume of Procter & Gamble, Zyman Group, ConAgra and her current organization Source Power is. Actually - I've been staring at this paragraph & rewritten it several times for about a half hour so you'll just have to accept/understand how awesome she is because I cannot find words or links to splain it :)

Every quarter, Debbie Letourneau teaches a market research class. I took this class a couple summers ago & that's where I met Valerie. She continues to help each quarter because she is just that generous with her experience & knowledge. Over the summer, Valerie asked if she could present Wicked Skatewear to the class because she was subbing in while Debbie was away. Can I wear skates? Oh I can? Dress up in full gear & present? I AM IN. We even drug sweet little miss suzy strychnine along. THAT was hilarious. We gave about an hour presentation on the company, what we're up to and how much fun it is to not be in corporate america :D

So! Here we are today. Wicked Skatewear is full on the case study for Debbie's Fall Full Time MBA Market Research Class and we wanna know how we can make Wicked El Ay better. It's already a rad place and we want to know if there's more that we can do with everything around. We've been prepping data, information, more data, more info and we presented Tuesday.

Since it's a market research class - the grad students will need to speak with roller girls, boys and refs in Los Angeles. What's a better time for everyone to get to know each other than Wicked El Ay's Bearing Cleaning Party! Details: http://ow.ly/6PZtx

I was super concerned with a group of grad students chatting up our community. I just keep having flash backs of being in the mall as a kid and getting chased down by 'those' people who want my opinion on tuna, perfume or some other product. At the end of class on Tuesday - I requested that if they go to the event, they cannot be creepy! If you're at the party - I expect a full report on how they did!

Regardless - I'm super beyond thrilled/pumped/elated/OMGOMG to have this opportunity. Yes - I dance around the warehouse when I receive any emails about the case. Probably to the point that I've completely weirded out all employees and even the dog. This does make student loan payments being deducted out of my bank account each month hurt less ;)

UNTIL NEXT TIME! HERE'S A STAR WARS KITTEH VIDEO!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z3r9X8OahA&feature=player_embedded

Love,
B-Train

Regional Death March

2011-09-21T08:43:00.000-07:00

I've heard this phrase over the years. It refers to going to every single one of the Women's Flat Track Derby Associations Regional Tournaments ... and then Championships. Easterns, Westerns, North Centrals, South Centrals and then Championships. 5 cities around the nation. Pretty much 4 weekends in a row then another weekend 6'ish weeks from the Regional Tournaments. Still have no idea what I'm flapping my gums about? Click here: http://wftda.com/The-Big-5

For the past 3 years, we've been hitting up Westerns and Championships. I've always been a lot O.O, high five and big hugs of the individuals and organizations who pull off going to every event. We travel a bunch too. At least once a month. Some months there are 2 events or I even have a game (what!? I know).

We love our crew. There is no way that Wicked Skatewear would be running while we're away if it wasn't for the crews in Huntington Beach handling online & bulk orders along with those holding down the El Ay store. At the same time, there are things that Strychnine and I just have to make happen while we're at the warehouse.

This year - the only reason we went to Easterns is because it was in Baltimore (THANK YOU CHARM & DC FOR HOSTING! I'M HUGGING YOUR FACES RIGHT NOW). I'm a Terp so I had to go see my bestest of all best friends who live in Baltimore ... and drink margaritas out of hub caps at Nacho Mamas :D Needless to say - we tore that city up, down and sideways. We got back Monday afternoon, looked at the warehouse, glanced at the calendar, Strychnine & I then stared at each other and yelled the same thing - OMFG WE LEAVE ON THURSDAY FOR PORTLAND.

We're only making Easterns, Westerns & Champs. I don't know if I'd make it out alive if I went to every single event. Clearly - I would love to .... though ... WOW!

My question is this - what are your survival techniques! We're open to suggestions for this season and next :)

Love,
B-Train

CUPCAKES!!!

2011-08-31T09:13:00.000-07:00

Hello all,
I have a VERY serious question for you.
This is of utmost importance.
In fact if you are reading this at work/home/school you should cease everything your doing and riddle me this: What flavor is Wicked Skatewear?

Before you begin laughing creepily or making snide remarks, this is serious.

Our friend Chupacabra of the Orange County Roller Girls approached me the other day and told me how she likes to bake; and occasionally bakes themed cupcakes, made to represent special people in her life.

awwhhhhh we're special.

She had them all planned out,
she bought mustache shaped cupcake pans
edible glitter
pink food coloring (allegedly to match Boss9)
and vegan ingredients so miss Anita B. could eat them too

Kicker: she had no clue what flavor to make them!

What could she possibly put in them to capture the essence of Wicked?

I was at a loss.

I suggested things like glitter mixed with rock and roll , flamingos, or boones.
Unfortunately, was quickly informed that none of those are cupcake flavors.

So, great thinkers of our time, please enlighten us: What flavor is Wicked?

Rollerderby and the five degrees of Kevin Bacon

2011-08-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

It is often said that roller derby takes over your life. And this is true because when it comes to roller derby, much like bacon, you can just never have enough. Unless its Kevin Bacon. Not that I've had enough of him, au contraire, but I have spent too many hours playing the Kevin Bacon game - where you trace one actor through other actors starring in the same movies until one reaches KB (as we shall now call him because that's how we [bacon] roll) in as few films as possible. Okay that's probably a horrid description, but you all know the game, right?

And as an aside, what is up with American bacon? Bacon should be a lump o' pig with a hint of rind, not this streaky malarky that's more fat than meat. And before the Canadians start feeling smug, you can up your bacon game too for 'tis proven that the best bacon in the world comes from... Denmark. Yep, Danish bacon is the best and here's the proof. More people in the UK eat Danish bacon than Danes do because we know what's good for us. There's a Great Britain but there isn't a Great Denmark and why? Bacon. Back in the days of empire building, salted bacon was one of the things that kept the Royal Navy able to police the world's seas. (Another was limes, hence the term Limey). Are Francis Bacon's paintings streaky? No. Disturbing maybe, but not streaky. So remember, bacon put the Great in Great Britain and should not have its name sullied with this streaky stuff.

Okay so brief and almost completely inaccurate history lesson over, what has this to do with anything other than admittance to a sanatorium? Well, let me tell you, it is all related. Well Kevin Bacon is. Kind of. To roller derby. In a way. Let me explain.

Roller derby has got to the point that it is an international phenomenon. You can't walk around California without tripping over a league, or backpacking through Europe or South America without coming across a bout venue. There are over a thousand roller derby leagues now and so it's easy to come across skaters through mutual friends. Or friends of mutual friends. Or friends of friends of... etc. I can now pretty much choose a random skater friend on FB and then trace, through their friends, to another skater friend of mine. And hence the five degrees of Kevin Bacon game. But for roller derby.

But it gets even more involved than that. Because I basically have no life outside of roller derby and roller derby is so awesome that EVERYBODY is getting involved, that I can now play the Kevin Bacon rollerderby game retroactively from before the modern version of roller derby even existed! That's how pervasive it is.

Let me give you just one example. Back in '89 I was dating a girl at university. We lost contact in about '94, she gets in contact with me in 2009, now living in Australia where she's a lawyery type person because we have a mutual friend in one of the VRDL skaters. Then the guy she left me for gets in touch from Manchester, as it turns out he's a fan of the local team. My cousin in law, who was living in Chicago got in touch because she met 'someone called Val Capone' who knows my wife. Who is a rollergirl. It seems that wherever I turn nowadays, all the connections I'm making with people are through roller derby and that my life is being mapped out purely through the five degrees of roller derby separation - to the extent that when I move from London, where I shall finally move to will be decided by roller derby.

Whether that's awesome or sad, I don't know, but what it does say is that derby more and more sneakily affects your life, even your past life. Before roller derby existed. Which knocks astrology into a cocked hat. Astrology, curiously, being at its height in the UK in the Elizabethan era and championed by... Francis Bacon.

But anyway it's lunchtime and I need to eat so I'm off for a sandwich. A bacon sandwich. Mmm bacon.

Bruises! Take care of them pls!

2011-08-16T11:51:00.000-07:00

Howdy everyone!

It's important to take care of your bruises. Yes. It's super hilarious to get pictures of them, show your friends, make the person who hit you sign the bruise, upload the picture onto facebook & tag the person who hit you, etc etc etc.

At the same time, pretty please with sugar on top - take care of yourself!

Meet Creep Berry and the Nuggets. Yea! Friggen GROSS!
I didn't bring this little treasure with me to RollerCon either. I played 5-6 games the first 2 days and easily kept falling in the same spot at least once a game. Add in the rope too.

The first day I started to feel it. Thankfully the Wicked Massage Therapist Laura Palmher was in the building and we went to work on that thing right away. Once it started to grow - ladies started to show me where they've had previous bruises of similar caliber and would shake these lumps of flesh around. I smiled & thanked them for the bruise love and holy *&^% I got grossed out. Really? Is that what my leg is going to look like? OMG NOOOOOOO.

Plus. There were several frightening conversations. There's something about someone telling you to your face while pointing at your very own leg that is attached to your own body that a piece of a blood clot from that spot right there could kill you. Uhm. Hi. I'm just trying to play some roller derby? Not die today?

Insert Operation Disintegrate Creep Berry ASAP:
1.) Painfully scream in your face massages all up in that spot 2-3 times per day
2.) Arnica slather every 2 hours
3.) Homemade tub of bruise relief that we bought at the Hellions of Troy game as massage lube
4.) Instead of copious amounts of booze each day at RollerCon - a couple drinks per night
5.) 1 gallon of water per day
6.) Lots of fruit, veggies and healthy meals instead of typical convention center fried food
7.) Derbalife: H30 and Niteworks to help with hydration and blood circulation (it's like the jammer juice! minus the lift off)
8.) Couple Advil, Alleve, Ibuprofen or whatever I could get my hands on a few times per day
9.) Sleep! While the roommates were out until who knows what time - I think that I was in bed by 1-2am each night and opened the Wicked Skatewear booth by 10am every day.

Of the 5 days at RollerCon, I took one day off (Friday) and skated the rest. I promised WifePone that I wouldn't jam on Saturday/Sunday. There were moments where my leg felt super awesome too and since I'm a stubborn sally, I did have to make that promise - otherwise, I'm sure I would have done something dumb :D

Instead of a 3-4 week healing period - Creep Berry was demolished in 2 weeks.

Until next time!

Love,
B-Train

Rollercon: the results

2011-08-08T15:32:00.000-07:00

Welcome back all you rollercon-ers!

While you were spending time with B-Train and Strychnine, we were back at Wicked holding down the fort, all the while dreaming about who would have most accurately predicted the results of the rollercon challenge bouts.

Well friends, here it is. Liz and I can finally bury the hatchet, and you guys can learn who to place your bets with next year. Also, all you armchair Rollercon attendees can get the quick and dirty version of the happenings:

Sugar and Spice Vs Dogs chasing tail-
We predicted Sugar and Spice, but much to our dismay Dogs chasing tail won, 71-44
Convicts Vs Popo-
Liz said: Popo
Scar said: Convicts
we agreed upon: Convicts
in reality: convicts won by 2, 43-41
Nerds Vs Jocks-
Liz: Nerds
Scar: Jocks
Overall: Jocks
In reality: Jocks won 202-100

Family Guy Vs Robot Chicken-
This one was hotly contested with Scar rooting team family guy and Liz adamant about Robot chicken, I conceded defeat and we predicted Robot Chicken, But perhaps I shouldn't have because Family guy won, 66-12.

Skateful dead Vs Rednecks-
Hippies=Liz
Rednecks=Scar
Overall, Skateful dead
Winner: skateful dead 56, Rednecks 22

Star Wars Vs Star Trek-
Liz: Star wars
Scar: Star Trek
Overall: Star wars
Winner: (I need to stop admitting defeat!) Star Trek (65-36)

Church Tongue Vs Sailor Mouths-
Liz: Sailor mouths
Scar: Church tongue
Overall: Sailors
In reality: Church tongues (145-27)

Artistic Vs Speed-
Liz: Speed
Scar: Artistic
agreement: Speed
In reality: Speed (257-52)
Gryfinndor Vs Slytherin-
HUFFLEPUFF!
In reality: Gryfinndor (65-31)

Medium Rare Vs Leafy Greens-
Veg head: Scar
omnivore: Liz
We eventually decided on leafy greens, and that was wise because they won 61-24!

Hellzona Vs Great Lakes-
Hellzona=Liz
Great lakes= Scar
I let her win with hellzona, but Great lakes prevailed with a score of 75-50

VR Vs Caulk Suckers-
Scar... why VR of course!
Liz: Caulk suckers
we couldn't agree so we gave it to the bisexuals, and they must have all been playing for the VR because they won 208-51!

Chuck Norris Vs Walker Texas Ranger-
we agreed on Chuck Norris, our logic must have been faulty.
Walker Texas ranger won (43-41)
Robots Vs Zombies-
Liz: Robots
Scar: Zombies
We backed team zombie and it's a good thing we did because they won 117-32

USA Vs AUS-
We swear that Australians always win. Something must've been wrong with the scoreboard.
USA: 171 AUS: 15
Squares Vs Floozies-
Liz: Floozies
Scar: Squares
Liz made a compelling arguement so we agreed on Floozies
Results: Refs, shame on you! Floozies.

StarBucks Vs Buck your stars-
we got caught up in riddles and didn't predict a winner, but Starbucks won 93-30
Flamingo Vs Gnomes-
Liz: gnomes
Scar: flamingos
While we decided this would be the best bout of rollercon, we came to the conclusion that flamingos would win. annddddd they did. (126-12)

Crippled Cocks Vs Awesomely seXY-
we agreed that Awesomely seXY would have to win..... we were wrong. What can I say, my apologies Crippled Cocks. (59-33)
Whiskey Rebellion Vs Boones Farm-
Whiskey Rebellion by a unanimous vote.
And they pulled through with a score of 132-110

PICKA Vs Penis Paceline-
Penis Paceline scared us, so we went with PICKA
they also won, score 62-52

Old School Vs Whipper Snappers-
At first I argued old school against Liz who favored whipper snappers, but we couldn't decide so we agreed on Yellow Fever winning like nijas in a bout they weren't even in.
They failed us.
Old School 39 vs Whipper Snapper 84
Team Awesome Vs Team Sexy-
we thought awesome would take the cake.
our calculations were a bit off. Team Awesome 86 vs Team Sexy 148

Cats Pajamas Vs Puppy Pile-
It was a close bout, closer than we had thought when we both swore Cats Pajamas would annihilate. Cat's Pajamas 62 vs Puppy Pile 63

Krispy Kremes Vs Dunkin Donuts-
We were equally caught off guard by this score, we both love krispy Kreme, but Dunkin Donuts was victorious (score 71-33)
Whipper Snappers beat Old School (84-39)
Nortenos Vs Surenos-
overall: nortenos
Final Score: Nortenos 70 vs Surenos 25

Yellow fever Vs NAACP-
Though I orignially rooted for Yellow Fever, our prediction of NAACP ruffled some feathers.
Luckily they backed us up, winning 107-28

Androids Vs Iphones-
As predicted Androids won 83-37

Derbalife Vs Herbs for Life-
Scar: Derbalife
Liz: Herbs for life
Overall: Herbs for life
Winner: Herbs for life! 63-44

Over the shoulder Vs Itty Bitty Titty-
We both picked IBT, who won 154-69

Green Horns Vs Fresh Meat-
Contrary to our belief, P!NK did not show up and win this bout, but Greenhorns did, 53-38
Heartland Vs Borderland-
Scar: Heartland
Liz: Borderland
Overall:Borderland
In reality: Borderland 95 Heartland 82

Rock Vs Rap-
We both favored Rock, but still allowed Rap to win. Unfortunately they did not, Rock prevailed 187-65

Science Vs Art-
Scar: Art
Liz: Science
Overall: Art
Winner: Science (81-41)

F*ck Your Face VS Badass-
Everyone won in our book, but FYF won 104-41

Sobers Vs Drunks-
Liz: Drunks
Scar: Sobers
Overall: everyone
Winner: Sobers 81 (drunks 48)

Teachers Vs Drop outs-
Dropouts were the favored going in to it, and won narrowly 63-62

Team Imaginary friends Vs Team Assassinate-
Scar backed team assassinate while Liz didn't care. Imaginary friends won 34-12

Denver Vs BAD-
Bosstrain insisted Hellarad would win. Scoreboards say otherwise.
Final score: Denver 133 BAD 108

The naked farmers- with the ending -stitutes won their bout. Score 55 over the cornstars (37)

Don't Touch me Vs Hug it out-
Liz: Hug it out
Scar: Don't touch me
Overall: don't touch me
Winner!: Don't touch me (121-82)

Co-ED cripplers Vs Gramercy Refs-
Despite our prediction that the refs always win, Co ed cripplers scored 95 versus the refs 33.

Co-Ed cripplers Vs Cocks in the henhouse-
Liz: Cocks in the henhouse
Scar: Co-Ed cripplers
Overall: CITH
winner: Cocks in the henhouse (58-26)

Wasted Vs 420-
We both said 420
they did end up winning, though only by a point (57-58)

Animals Vs Celebrities-
we assumed they were synonymous and didn't make a prediction.
They apparently are foils for each other, since the scores ended up at Animals:43 Celebrities:34

Shortbus Vs Amazons-
Liz: Amazons
Scar: Shortbus
Overall: Amazons
Winner: Amazons! (116-73)

NOW THE MOST IMPORTANT RESULTS: Who predicted most accurately!

Liz correctly predicted 16 out of 47 challenge bouts played. Giving her a correct percentage of 34%

Scar correctly predicted 20 out of 47 challenge bouts. Leaving her percentage at roughly 43%.

When we put our heads together we correctly predicted 21 of 47 bouts, or about 45%

So, moral of the story is.... maybe we ought to use more objective evaluation techniques.

Maybe we'll actually get to be there to see how our predictions turn out next year,
Hope to see you all!

:INSERTING MILDLY WITTY COMMENTARY BY BOSS TRAIN:

Seriously! This was an amazingly hilarious preparation for RollerCon for us. There was nothing like yelling HEY! to the warehouse, Scar/Liz look up, I show them the shirt that I just printed and they just start BANTERING all LOUD about who/why/what's gonna happen in the upcoming bouts. AND THEN. As they're bad mouthing several of my teams, I have to politely remind them that I'm skating on said team and they then remind me that they clearly do not give the cares. We all then shake our heads & go back to work :D

I mean really - how do two sweet adorning teenagers almost get kicked out of a Subway while debating who is going to win the a game like Family Guy v Robot Chicken, Nerds v Jocks or Star Wars v Star Trek?!

I love the Wicked Crew. All of them.

Here's to the next one!

Love,
us

Flags!

2011-07-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

The other day we realized that there's a flag for literally everything.
One for every race, gender, religion, minority group, and sexuality.
As Ron said "If it's a verb or adjective, there's a pride flag for it."
See below.... (and yes they're all actual flags... can you name them all? ;) )

So this got us to thinking... why doesn't Wicked have a flag?
I mean, in the midst of all this pride- what if someone wanted Wicked pride? What would our beloved customers wave fervently at events?

True there's always zealots who go around burning flags, but at least then they'd have something to burn other than the effigies of shit pants, that's just rude.

We need something that can be worn as a cape, hung outside our door, and pledged allegiance to.

I'm far from a Betsy Ross, so prospective flag designs would need to be a group effort? any suggestions?

What do you think, fine people who read our blog, should Wicked have a flag?

Conversations in the warehouse!

2011-07-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

With this economy, finding a job is tough. When any of our derby friends/fans of Wicked find themselves out of work (or if they're simply fed up with their own career) they often come to bossladies, and the message is always "I want to work at Wicked!"
3 things.
1. We wish we could hire all of you.
2. Since we can't, I personally am offended that you're trying to steal my job.
3. I don't blame you at all, because if I didn't work here I'd want to, too.

When these prospective employees dream of working at Wicked the thought is that they'll get to sit and talk about roller derby all day.

It couldn't be farther from the truth.

We love the derbies, we really do. When you are surrounded by something all day it becomes absolutely necessary for ones sanity to think about something else, even if it's just for 5 minutes.

You will rarely to never hear us talk about a new strategy/technique, or the latest gossip about who divorced their derby wife, who's dating their teammate, and who's leaving what league.

In reality conversations are dominated by our own odd one track minds.

For example, my recent obsession has been houseboats, and boats in general. I'm constantly trying to convince the warehouse that Wicked needs a houseboat to aid in world domination, and chatting about slips, harbors, and boat types.

Anita B. has a new found love of plants, and has become an encyclopedia on everything related to zucchini, tomato, and basil.

Jessie has adorable little children that do hilarious things- like poop on the floor. Not kidding. So stories about them is a must.

BossTrain finds a way to relate every conversation to numbers, business/marketing, or communication skills.

Boss9s one track mind usually revolves around Shit Pants, his daily activities, his bling, clothing and multiple girlfriends.

Liz enjoys antagonizing me, and spends 99% of her brain power doing that. The other 1% is dedicated to her venus fly trap, British TV shows, and how cute team greenhorns rollercon jersey is.

Ron doesn't talk too much, but he has quite an affinity for Modest Mouse. Sometimes seen sporting a modest mouse shirt to go with his matching tattoo.

So in the course of the day we talk about anything from horticulture to music.

While a mutual love of Derby may have brought us together, the ability to have diverse conversations has kept us that way.

Till next time!
Scar

Rollercon challenge teams- continued!

2011-07-11T14:17:00.001-07:00

The warehouse got word that more challenge bouts had been added to the rollercon calendar- clearly we didn't want those teams to be left out. I mean it'd be SO UNFAIR to pass judegement on only some people.
without further ado....
blue is scar
red is Liz
purple is general consensus
highlighted/linked teams can be clicked on to purchase their jerseys/merch :)

Convicts Vs POPO
You're Australian, aren't all your people convicts?
I'll have you know I have a relative who's a warden at San Quentin
I have a relative on death row
and... he's really good at derby? Anyway, it doesn't matter, Australians are convicts and-
Australians always win!
Winner: Convicts

Artistic Vs Speed
Speed kills people- I assume this is the amphetamine version of herbs for life?
It'd be hard to play on speed, but it'd be equally hard to play in those ridiculous outfits (see B-Trains past post "Dear Sandy Buns"). Besides, this isn't who can do the prettiest twirl, it's who can get through first.
But i'm slow.
So you're just jealous
yep.
Then I win because my argument is valid and yours isn't.
Winner: Speed

Hellzona Vs Great Lakes
I hope the great lakes people help smuggle Canadians over the border. I LOVE Canadians. They're right up there with Australians and Icelanders in my book.
I'm pretty sure roadrunner is from Hellzona- and he's fast, besides, Great lakes people will show up with Ice skates.
Hellzona makes me want a calzone, also, you win because people in the great lakes area eat lots of butter and cheese. Probably not the best diet for athletes.
Winner: Hellzona

Old School Vs Whipper Snappers
The tennis balls on old school's walkers will slow them down, they'll get winded just getting on the track.
But they'll remember watching it on TV- so they'll have more experience! Besides, the whipper snappers won't make it to the bout, they'll have partied too much and (Unlike the Old Schoolers who probably went to bed at 8:00pm and woke up at 5am) won't wake up until 4:00pm the next day, with someone they don't know next to them and an illegible name tattooed on their rear end.
Old schoolers won't recognize their teammates! They won't even recognize themselves!
Also, at the whipper snappers wild party they'll have all caught mono.
Don't discriminate! Maybe the old schooler's had a crazy party and they all caught.... yellow fever or something. Yellow Fever!
Winner: For all you distraught fans causing a ruckus because they will lose to NAACP, Yellow Fever yep. the ninjas just one a bout they weren't even in.

Borderland Vs Heartland
There are only like what, 15 non-border states? 14? And we get all the good ones, so we have to claim florida, but they get stuck with West Virgina...so it looks like we have the better deal.
Don't mess with West Virginia! And anyway I assumed it meant border like the one we share with Mexico. In which case all their star jammers would have been kidnapped. Your cousins would know all about that, right?
Even if it's top and bottom vs middle as opposed to inside vs outside, borderland still wins, our only shame is a Dakota, and you have one too!
Winner: Liz knows geography waaaayy better than I do Borderland

Team assassinate vs team imaginary
What is this? Did I miss something? Is it like a hit man vs drop dead fred? Imaginary I suppose. I had an imaginary friend when I was three, her name was simon. She was an alien and her parents were dwarfs. No joke.
Assassin all the way- can you name a single assassin who was not successful? By virtue of the name it means they killed their target, otherwise it'd just be like "team attempted murderer" look at this definition from dictionary.com "a murderer, especially one who kills a politically prominent person for fanatical or monetary reasons." See- they killed them, which means they won. Assassins always win!
At this point, I don't even want to win, you and your death row relative can take this one.
Winner: Assassinate

Denver Vs B.A.D.
B.A.D, because they whoop on us (Oc rollergirls) I just want them to beat everyone else equally bad because then I can feel better about my league.
Denver, think of what great endurance training it is to practice in that thin air.
B-train interjected that- Hellarad is going to win!
Winner: when do they not? Hellarad

WOW alliance Vs WOW horde
They both lose. Fairies can't skate and power packs don't work in the real world. But like... I know nothing about WOW except my cousin met her boyfriend on WOW, which is better than the way your cousins find dates- at family reunions.
One more West Virginia joke and I quit.
Winner: I stopped caring when "take me home, country roads" started playing in my head... John Denver

Don't touch me Vs Hug it out
Hugs FTW! I already gave up high fives, if I have to give up hugs, what's next?!
Hugs are major hands penalties right? or like, multi player blocks or something? You want a jammer who doesn't want anyone to touch her, she'll weave through the pack and dodge everyone, a hugging jammer will skate right into the welcoming arms of an opposing blocker.
Winner: can't touch them, Don't touch me

SSRG Vs RMRG
Australians always win!
Winner: SSRG

Shortbus Vs Amazons
Well, you ride the short bus.... that being said Amazons would have bigger strides.
Shortbus could roll under their legs! see....

There's enough going between legs at rollercon
Winner: Amazons

Love, Scar and Liz

Protech-ting your pearly whites

2011-07-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

I usually do not do product reviews, rants, or raves. However, our blogging friend Lucy In Da Sky With Diamonds is running an awesome giveaway on protech dent mouthguards- and I have to get all up in the business. You guys. for reals. I LOVE THESE MOUTHGUARDS.
When I first started derby I picked up a 99 cent bulky boil and bite mouth guard that matched my team colors. It rendered me mute, left me gasping for air, and may have made me drool on myself more than once. Not fun.

With time I found myself getting more and more comfortable on my skates, more and more competitive, and increasingly vocal with that. Problem was nobody could understand me. Faced with the decision between sounding like Ozzy Osbourne (a bit lighter on the fantabulous British accent and a bit heavier on the incomprehensible mumble) when speaking, and actually being able to call out where the opposing jammer was- I began to accrue quite a bit of IP Mouthguard penalties.

Then I fell in love with pivoting, for a loudmouth like me it was perfect.

At this point a new mouthguard was absolutely crucial.

So I bought a white protech dent. It changed my derby life! (And since I have no life outside of derby, my life in general). My teammates could not get me to shut up, and I finally had no problem being heard.

Barely even there, I really could drink and breath with it normally.

It was easy to mold, and continues to fit like a glove (except not like the glove in the OJ Simpson trial).

There's no falling out, and no extra material that makes me gag.

It's so stealth that referees have tried to call me out for missing a mouthguard!

A benefit of the white variety was that it made my teeth look like shining pearly whites, however now that they have come out with fun colors, I sport a black one. Perhaps I'll get a different color for every day of practice in the week.

I've yet to receive any skull fractures, severed tongues, or chipped/broken/busted out teeth so it must actually be attractive, and useful. Go figure. The protech dent mouthguard has all the characteristics of the perfect man/woman/pool-boy you've always been looking for.

Till next time,
Scar

Douchelene gets you pregnant

2011-07-01T17:13:00.000-07:00

I present to you: the songs that get me through my day when I'm pressing shirts/answering your emails/trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with my weirdo of a dog. I have a few magical Pandora stations, and there is a recurring theme that happens across all channels: I like music that will get you pregnant, which is weird considering my stance on babies, which is NO. I am going to stop talking now and let the sexy take over. You're welcome. PS-Vevo is a fail so some of these aren't actual videos. Deal.

I want to get married and dance to this song, then get divorced after I have run away with all the presents:

If I have forgotten anything, please feel free to participate in the sexy post, but don't argue with my selections as I am definitely really good at this.

GOOD DAY.

PS-Any mentions of I TOUCH MYSELF or I WANNA SEX YOU up will be deleted. That shit is the wire hanger of baby making music and I won't stand for it.

Rico Suave is approved.

Customer notes are the highlight of my day.

2011-06-28T17:08:00.000-07:00

Working in a business where the majority of sales happens online, I occasionally feel that I miss out on really getting to know my customers. Which bums me out- because people are fascinating. Especially rollergirls. Wicked Skatewear has the benefit of having a super awesome clientele. Many of you have the pleasure of meeting BossTrain and Boss9 at various events and tourneys, but what if you want to communicate with the faceless lackies behind production? Enter- the customer notes section.

Not one to abridge creativity, there really are no specifications for what to put in the "customer notes" section at the bottom of your order. It's an open ended free for all, that (I can personally assure you) gets read. Every word of it.

Now it isn't always pleasant, some of you are very specific, some of you are a bit sassy, but most of you are outright hilarious.

Some of my favorites:
"Dear Wicked Minion who has the pleasure of filling my order,
I have specific dietary needs, and I'm hoping you'll be able to accommodate me:
First of all, I'm assuming that the name and number will be black or white depending on the size of the scrimmage jersey, and that's totally awesome. What I WILL ask is that you make the actual number pretty large. I'm like Pitchit, in that I love having a big # on my jersey.
Secondly; I put the name as being capital M, lowercase "egatron", but I have no idea what that will look like with the font. Please use your best judgment as to whether it should be ALL CAPS like I'm a douchebag on the internet shouting about how abortions should be illegal because god wants retards to live, or like I originally put it on the order form.
Also, I don't know how feasible it is to ask this, but I figure I'll throw it out there... Any chance I can get the Derby/Deeds logo on the two front sides along with the Wicked logo? That'd be pretty sweet."

"it's partly for my derby wife and partly for me. with her tits and my ass we can rule the world"

Sometimes you write us love notes:

"Roses are red, Lowboys are blue, sugars are sweet, and so are....STOP SNIFFING MY HOTPANTS YOU SICKO! Love you"

But then Sometimes, you threaten us.

"Radars are red, Sugars are blue.
When we meet on the track,
I'm gon' bodyslam you!"

Sometimes you just give up. Which is funny too.

"Trying to think of something funny to say here. Nope, I got nothin'"

"Because I'm on the same team as MAK, Viva, and Stella nothing I say will be as clever as something they would come up with in comparison"

Sometimes you have certain requests. For example....

"please send this to my houseboat, I enjoy getting mail there"
Or
"Please include a lock of hair from B-Train and or Strychnine"
and
"Please draw me a picture of a magical creature on my packing slip"

Once in a while one of you begs desperately for a Hellarad.

Many times we oblige; we've written poems, drawn pictures, and yes both bossladies have enclosed locks of hair.

So if you ever thought that your thoughts and ramblings were not seen or heard, worry not. I read every single one of them. So perhaps, with that in mind, you could throw me a bone?
Write a love note, write something fantastical, write your thoughts on post modernism.

I'll be waiting, reading, and writing diligently, like those people whose job it is to respond to children's santa letters. Or the staff of government officials who has to reply to all the fan/hate mail.

Love,
Scar

For those of you who do not know us, Liz and I love to argue

2011-06-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

(so much so we have to schedule meeting times outside of work hours to debate things).

sometimes we fight over morality...

and sometimes we fight over things that just end up being outright ridiculous...

We also love roller derby, and with rollercon fast approaching we couldn’t help but put in our two cents about who was going to win various challenge bouts. So here it is. The results of all 40 of them as predicted by Liz and Scar, complete with commentary to explain our logic. The following is compilation of a strenuous two hours spent fighting about every minutia in the middle of subway.

Some things to consider while reading :

1. As a matter of fairness, we did not look at rosters. We kept personal intrest out of this. We didn’t simply vote for a team just because Btrain was on it (or anyone else we know and love)

2. We did not look at stats .

3. In order to avoid doing the “then Liz said” “then I responded” etc. Liz commentary will be Highlighted in red, and mine will be in blue, mutual/simoultaneous/unanimous commentary will be in purple.

4. Click on any team names with links to get gear to show your love!

5. How were winners decided? Read on!

Sugar and Spice Vs Dogs chasing tail
“WTF is this?”
“OHHHHHHH it’s boys Vs Girls”
“Girls rule boys drool.”
WINNER: Sugar and spice

Nerds Vs Jocks

“Because of Glee I now just assume jocks are secretly gay.”
“You know, I always did have a sneaking suspicion the football team was sleeping together… and I mean, this is roller derby. I say nerds.”
“uh-hello. Jocks! This is a sport."
“Fine, jocks will one day be bald and fat with kids that hate them and a failing mairrage. So I guess we could let them win this once.”
WINNER: Jocks

Robot Chicken Vs Family Guy

“Family guy freakin sucks. Besides, Seth Green wins by default.”
“Family guy is hilarious! And totally relatable. I mean everyone knows a quagmire.”
“No they don’t! It's just you. He's probably related to you.”
WINNER: Robot Chicken

East Coast Vs West Coast

“WEST COAST”
“Though I would let East coast win if they would all line up and say ‘awesome’ in B-trains accent.”
“See that’s just the problem- they won’t be able to understand each other! If the pivot is from Boston and the Blocker is from New York and the jammer is from Virginia- just forget about it.”
WINNER: WEST COAST

Star Wars Vs Star Trek

“Star wars”
“But I like the pointy ears the trekies wear. Plus the font for their jersey customization is a huge pain.”
“You lose simply because you haven’t seen star wars. Like, trekies are superfreaks and I love them, but you can’t compete with Jedi mind powers. I mean the refs won’t even see cutting!”
WINNER: Star Wars

Gryffindor Vs Slytherin

“F em both. IT’S ALL ABOUT HUFFLEPUFF!”
WINNER: Hufflepuff

Knuckles Vs High Fives

“Knuckles are much more sanitary. Howie Mandel taught me that.”
"High fives are classic, you can’t sacrifice fun for safe.”
“Listen. High fives will lose, they all have some disease from such extensive palm to palm contact. You have no idea where their hands have been.”
“Fine. But only because it’s rollercon and everyone’s hands will be filthy.”
WINNER: Knuckles

Skateful dead Vs Rednecks

“Rednecks. The darn hippies won’t bother to get out of bed. And after all, what else do rednecks have to do but practice roller derby?”
“Their cousins."
"Rednecks don’t even wear shoes, how will they wear skates?”
“and hippies do???”
“Helloooo SKATEful dead. Rednecks will be too distracted by the beer cart.”
WINNER: Skateful Dead

Sailor mouths Vs Church tongues

“How could they even field a team of church tongues? There aren’t enough rollergirls who fit that category.”
“While I support the Church tongues, I don’t think they’ll be able to skate with their protest signs.”
WINNER: Sailor Mouths

Medium rare Vs Leafy Greens

“Medium rare doesn’t care about killing pigs, chickens, cows, etc. Why would they care about slaughtering the other team? No slaughter remorse. Team leafy greens would be too concerned about rolling over an ant.”
“Popeye eats spinach. Popeye wins every time.”
WINNER: Leafy Greens

Vagine Regime Vs Caulk Suckers

“Didn’t we just debate this? Oh sorry that was Leafy greens, not Vagine Regime. Same difference. Their rosters are probably identical anyway.”
“I have to be able to take advantage of at least ONE stereotype. Who’s better at sports (particularly roller derby) than lesbians?’” EVEN CHECK OUT URBAN DICTIONARY. THEY KNOW (particularly pay attention to definition #5)
“VR is going to be way too distracted by all the other hot lesbians on the track.”
“I would be.”
“Yes Scar, and ass pinching or grabbing is a major hands penalty.”
“I’d be ejected.”
“As would half the VRs bench.”
“This is really just a game of in the closet versus out of it. I mean it really doesn’t matter because by then end of the afterparty all the Caulk Suckers will be gay anyway.”
“I think I have to give this to the bisexuals then.”
“Bi winning.”
WINNER: BI-SEXUALS

Chuck Norris Vs Walker Texas Ranger

“Well we really like Chick Norris of OCRG. And I just want to pick a team so you stop telling bad Chuck Norris jokes.”
“THERE IS NO SUCH THING”
WINNER: Chuck Norris

Robots Vs Zombies

“Zombies.”
“Robots”
“how is this even a discussion?! Have you seen R2D2 recently? Not very fierce!”
“I have but you haven’t since you’ve NEVER SEEN STAR WARS. He can fly. This is clearly an advantage. Zombies are slow.”
“not those crazy 28 days later ones.”
Discussion went on for nothing short of ten minutes about zombie movies and robots until Liz finally conceded defeat saying “Zombies will win but only because before the bout B-Train will bite them all (see the post regarding our zombie apocalypse plans.) and they’ll all turn into her."
WINNER: B-Train zombie army

AUS Vs USA

“Australia!”
“Don’t worry America, it’ll be a close bout.”
“Till they bust out some wombats on you. Those things are fierce.”
WINNER: AUS

Floozies Vs Squares

“Squares.”
“Floozies duh. They will have slept with all the refs.”
“You just won a debate against me in under ten seconds. Remember this moment, it will never happen again.”
WINNER: Floozies

Starbucks Vs Buck your stars

“First off I’d like to say I’m not sure what “Buck your stars” is but it makes me think of a transgender porn star.”
“What???”
“Just sayin.”
“This bout is kinda like ‘If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it make a sound?’ it won’t because no one will be there to hear it. No one will win this game because no one will be there to see it.”
WINNER: No one

Flamingos Vs Gnomes

“Flamingos are horrifying and terrifying and evil. Therefore they will win.” (I have a phobia of flamingos. Like legitimately.)
“Gnomes are crazy little bastards, don’t even get me started! Gremlin (the name of Liz’s gnome statuete) has been stealing all my stuff recently.”
“Hmmm let’s see…. Real animal Vs inanimate object…..”
“They are not inanimate objects- they are mythical creatures!”
We came to a stand still and had to call in guest judge Scarlene. Her response “Flamingos are delightful”
While I shudder at the thought, at least she chose my side.
We also decided this will be by far the best bout of rollercon.
WINNER: Flamingos

Crippled cocks Vs Awesomely SeXY

“I don’t understand how crippled cocks would be useful to anyone.”
WINNER: Awesomely SeXY

Whiskey Rebellion Vs Boones Farm

“whiskey. It’s the OG.”
WINNER: *sorry bosses , hellaradders, and enthusiasts of brightly colored alcohol the world over* Whiskey Rebellion

PICKA Vs Penis Paceline

“What the hell is PICKA?”
“I’m not sure but it reminds me of pica. So I really hope they eat dirt and stuff.”
“Penis paceline sounds scary.”
WINNER: PICKA

Awesome Vs Sexy

We heard the teams as if they were being said by BossTrain. New York accents win every time
WINNER: AWESOME

Photobombers Vs Posers

“Photobombers- It’s funny!”
“I’m team hide in the corner and hope they don’t see you.”
WINNER: Photobombers

Puppy Pile Vs Cats Pajamas

“Dogs are dumb and cats are vicious.”
WINNER: Cats pajamas

Krispy Kreme Vs Dunkin Donuts

“KRISPY KREME!”
There isn’t even room for discussion.
WINNER: Krispy Kreme

Nortenos Vs Surenos

"The south lost the war, get over it. I mean I know the hillbilly in you will want to argue that but-"
“West Virginia was Union!”
But more importantly- bloods or crypts?
WINNER: Nortenos

Yellow Fever Vs NAACP

“Yellow Fever”
“NAACP”
WINNER: NAACP, for reasons that will not be discussed.

Android Vs Iphone

“Android.”
Later in the afternoon Liz began threatening her droid. Saying “if you don’t behave I'm going to vote team Iphone!”
WINNER: ANDROID. Droid does.

Herbalife Vs Herbs for Life

After debating which team Boss9 would play on, or if she would simply switch at the half, we came to discuss the actual topic.
“I have a special place in my heart for stoners.”
“Herbalife. Clearly! Munchies=fatties”
”You don’t have to go on a diet if you aren’t fat to begin with!”
“I’m on herbalife! What are you suggesting?”
“You’re half of 300 pounds. Anyway it’s basically fat kids vs cool kids.”
WINNER: Herbs for life. We like to root for the underdog.

Itty Bitty Titty Vs Over the shoulder boulder

This is all physics. Think about wind resistance.
WINNER: Itty Bitty Titty

Fresh meat Vs Green horns

“Raise your glass” came on the radio. And we suddenly didn’t care.
WINNER: Pink

Rap Vs Rock

“Rock”
WINNER: Rap. Don’t call it a comeback, they’ve been here for years.

Art Vs Science

“Art”
“Science. Art is so subjective *she throws our subway trash together* look I made art!”
“well these rankings are totally subjective- so I guess art wins.”
Guest Judge Prince Albert of OCRG backed me up.
WINNER: Art

F*ck your face Vs Badass

“I like team F*Ck your face’s shirts. Even though I don’t understand it.”
“The shirts?”
“No…..it!”
“Oh dear. I don’t want to know.”
“No like I don’t understand who would want to be known as that.”
They both win by virtue of willing to gang together and be known by that title.
WINNER: Everyone wins. So long as the other party is consenting.

Sobers Vs Drunks

“Sobers will win the bout”
“but drunks will win the afterparty”
WINNER: Sobriety or the lack thereof is a win-win situation.

Rainbow Bright Vs Gothic Fright

“Gothic fright.”
“No way, gothic fright probably wears facepaint. That is not acceptable.”
*ahem* Demanda Riot *ahem*
“Ok Fine. Except if you’re Demanda Riot. She should be the only one allowed to wear facepaint.”
“I guess you’re right, Gothic Fright will all cut themselves and bleed out before the bout begins.”
WINNER: Rainbow Bright

Dropouts Vs Teachers
Dropouts have more time to practice.
WINNER: Dropouts

Cornstars Vs Cropstitutes
“Are these like… naked farmers?”
We then both started picturing naked farmers and got too grossed out to continue the conversation.

Gramercy Refs Vs Co-Ed Cripplers
The refs always win.
WINNER: Gramercy refs

Cocks in the hen house Vs Co-Ed Cripplers
I was trying to say “I love Cocks in the henhouse’s name but Co-Ed cripplers will take it” So that I could then go into a long spiel to justify Bossmomtrains team winning (nepotism- I’m not immune to it.)
But I was so rudely interrupted so all I got out was “I love cocks-"
So Liz decided “I’m going with CITH purely because they got you to say “I love cocks.”
WINNER: Cocks in the henhouse

420 Vs Wasted
“420.”
WINNER: 420

Animals Vs celebrities
“aren’t they the same thing?”

So, What about y'all? Who do you think will be taking home bragging rights this year?

Best of luck to everyone, and Liz and I will be watching for results so we can see how accurate our predictions were. However, I think we were pretty thorough so I suggest placing your bets now. When you win, please make 20% of the winnings payable to Scar or Liz. Maybe we’ll raise enough money to actually ATTEND rollercon next year!

Love, Scar

DBC is MY home girl!

2011-06-17T13:30:00.000-07:00

If Death By Chocolate has not touched your roller derby life, you MIGHT be living under a rock. It's cool. We all have our moments. I mean - I didn't know that Emerald City made a chest bump video until a few days after Battle on the Banked Quatro.

I met DBC in 2008 when my league the Orange County Roller Girls hosted Roll For A Cure. We'd just joined the WFTDA so I was in shock, awe and OUCH when the likes of Houston and Minnesota walloped us. It was to be expected. I no longer hide and cry a little bit inside when I see their logos.

Later that year (at least I think I have my years correct. It very well could be 1964 when all of this happened. I'm not the best when it comes to dates), Houston Roller Derby hosted the Western Regional Tournament. I went to vend and fell in love with Bay Area & their coordinated roll out to Movin' On Up, met Quadzilla/Short Bus/Johnny Pocket Rocket/Nottie A. Saiwant/other rad vendors and hung out with many of the Houston girls. My heart flutters for Carmen Geddit, Sinister Sista (who later proposed, I accepted and I didn't tell my local wife for a couple years later? Love you Wrecky!), Death By Chocolate, Mistilla, Jekyll & Heidi and several others bc I'm spacing on names right now.

I think that I might have had a few too many sodas and probably chanted several dozen times D ... B ... C! D ... B ... C! D ... B ... C! D ... B ... C! and received a 'look' from her. At that point and still to this day, I either a.) giggle and hug her b.) run away squealing or c.) a then b. (enjoy that mental picture for everyone who knows us)

Over the years. Events like regional tournaments, championships, RollerCons and anything on facebook have made me fall in love with this woman even more. She has the biggest hearts for roller derby and wants to show everyone everything that she knows and learn from them too. If you're not friends on facebook and have not read some of her Daily Philosophy of Skates - you're kinda missing out. There are days where I want to punch the roller derbies in the face, I read something that she posts and the fire in my veins is gone. She is truly an amazing woman and role model to us.

Quadzilla of GRN MNSTR contacted me this morning to see if we had a couple sizes of the Antik AR1s in stock. Si Senor. Por que? Apparently - DBC's car got broken into and a ton of awesome got stolen. O.O <--- that's my shocked face that instantly turned into how can we help.

A bunch of her girls and I had a MAJOR surprise for her at RollerCon.

Proceeds were going to a soda fund for RollerCon and now it's more of a - we're announcing this to the public so you can show your support of how much this woman rocks your roller derby world and proceeds are going to her fund :)

Shirts can be purchased here and I am SO proud of us for keeping it a secret for a couple months!!

http://wickedskatewear.com/dbchomegirl.aspx

Love,
B-Train

Endpapers and the unbearable lightness of B-Train

2011-06-15T06:39:00.001-07:00

Okay, so if you're not big on Milan Kundera (which isn't an Italian airport I hasten to add), then you may not get the stonkingly witty title, but no matter.

So what's happening in the world of Wicked, I hear you cry? And yes, I can hear you, so hush already some of us are trying to work. We-ell, Wicked Skatewear has now gone ginternational. Which basically the same as international, but with more - and British - alcohol involved. Wooh, you think. The Wicked Skatewear megacorp's touchy feely trendrils have traipsed trans-Atlanticly to uh, somewhere in the UK beginning with T so we can keep the alliteration going. But, for the sake of accuracy let's say London. What does this actually mean? Well not much at the moment other than B-Train's mission statement which may have run along the lines of 'some sort of European liaison thingy and photobitch'. But, additionally, it does mean I have the bestest job title e-e-e-e-evar which is Wicked Skatewear Chest Bumper. I await my business cards with a curious mixture of pride and fear. (Bear in mind I'm 5'7" and just under 140lbs, so chest bumping someone like Dumptruck who's er, neither 5'7" nor 140lbs may be deleterious to my heath and/or continued existence).

Truly I do have the privilege of technically working with (despite being 6,500 miles away) some hellarad people and, because of that opportunity, I'd like to thank god, my stylist, my therapist, FYSP, that guy I'm looking at over the street and, obviously, gin; without whom none of this would have been possible. Anyhoo, enough of the lightness of B-Train bit, what's all this about endpapers? Impatient, aren't you?

Well, I can give you all a sneaky WORLD EXCLUSIVE!!! Some of you may (and if you don't, you darn well should) know that there's a roller derby fashion book coming out, with which both Wicked Skatewear and yours truly were involved. And here, never seen before anywhere, hot off the intrawebs is the press release! Ooooh! And yes, that is Suzy Hotrod on the front cover. Yum. And no, I didn't take that photo. Boo. Expect US retail to be $29.99 or thereabouts and expect it to be Wicked. You see what I did there?
*chest bump*

Eye Contact!

2011-06-11T11:56:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was mildly entertaining. It's been about 8 months since I got my hair cut so while waiting for Lady Iodine at Spa Gregories in Newport Beach, this make up lady keeps staring me down.

O HELL NAWH.

A few minutes later, she sits next to me. Who are you waiting for, what are you getting done etc. Mind you - my hair is back, I have very little make up on and I'm getting pissy because all I want to do is download the justin.tv app so I can watch my OC Roller Girls take on Team Legit while I get my hair did. She's all talking about my skin, cheek bones, features, I don't know what else because I totally tuned her out and then says -you haven't stopped making eye contact with me. I'm thinking to myself - LISTEN LADY! YOU'RE FRIGGEN STARING ME DOWN! I WILL CHEST BUMP THE *&^% OUTTA YOU WITH MY EYES!

She offers to put some make up on my face because apparently the blue eyeliner that I have on is doing something not bringing out something my blue eyes. I'm totally resistant because I don't want to look like the rest of the fancy Newport ladies walking in and out of the fancy spa with their 5 million dollar diamond engagement rings. I'm not that type of girl!

Long story short. Hair is cut. Straight. She comes upstairs to Lady Iodine & myself so that I'll stop by before I leave. I'm having dinner with my girls from class later so I figure - *&^% it. Let's do it up Buttercup! She's still talking about my eyes and eye contact. It's kinda creepy at this point though she's close to my eyes with stuff so I can't be a jerk because she could stab me, you know?

Meanwhile. My phone is blowing up. Why? Apparently I'm pregnant. News to me because I'm going to chug wine with my girls! Warehouse hacked my facebook. I love them.

And then. I love this picture from one of my OCRG girls.

Blog is here: http://ow.ly/5fzAl
Her twitter: @gryffindormom and we banter from time to time!

That's all I got.

Skate Hard. Skate Pretty.

Love,
B-Train

pregnancy scares can be fun. (at least for those around you!)

2011-06-10T17:29:00.000-07:00

So when the Bossladies leave the warehouse is usually quite well behaved, bar when we close Scar into a Tv, and the usual.
But when they leave their facebook logged in.... the temptation is too much.
To set the scene: BossTrain is away getting her hair did (it looks fabulous by the way, which begs the question why she only does it twice a year?) by the awesome Lady Iodine.
Meanwhile, Anita Bonghit was printing some shipping labels on her computer, and lo and behold facebook was still up. At this point she had an excellent devious idea. (Picture the face of the grinch when he has a "terrible awful idea")
Bright eyed she asks me "what should we write?!"
Me: "something B-Train would never ever do."
Bonghit: "I'VE FOUND LESBIAN LOVE!"
Me: "too late, Boss9 already hacked her email and told everyone she was gay."
Bonghit: "hmmm....... I'M PREGNANT!"

Without delay BossTrains almost 5,000 friends were told that she was pregnant and "couldn't be happier"

The response was mixed, from the "your phone got hacked didn't it?" to the "wait....are you serious?" to the "CONGRATULATIONS!" that made us laugh so hard we cried.

Not saying we were hoping that her mom would see it and call her immediately.... .but it would've been hysterical.

At this point Bonghit decides (with impeccable timing) to make her exit, but not before she leaves BossTrain a note of what hours she was here:

However world, fear not. She assures me she is certainly not with child, so the keg stands, party throwing, and roller derby action can go on as usual!

¿Como se dice......?

2011-06-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

So every now and then you ask for your customizations to be in foreign languages.
I'm down with that.
and even though I've taken Spanish for 5 years I still like to google everything to make sure I'm spelling/punctuating correctly.
This particular order called for me to put the word "Cabron" on hot pants.
I wanted to check about accent placement (it's over the "O" fyi)
First post that pops up when I google "Cabron" is a question on Yahoo answers:
"How do you translate "your wife is cheating on you" in spanish?"

Someone who loves me very much went to New York and I made shirts

2011-06-08T23:35:00.000-07:00

(....wait a second... I don't think that's how souvenir tees are supposed to go...)

Dear Bossladies,
Recently you've been jet setting to and fro, attending tourneys and throwing parties. I want you to know I fully support that. I also want to reassure you that you can rest easy and have an awesome time because you have left a tremendous group of lackies behind. In fact, during your most recent absence (the trip to Albany) the warehouse ran smoother than ever!
It went down like this:
Day one- All work was done by noon. We spent the rest of the day building forts out of boxes of skates, strapping on elbow pads, knee pads, and wrist guards while shouting 300! and running through the neighborhood, and pillow fighting with the sasquatches.
Day two- We saunter in the warehouse around one in the afternoon. After finishing all the orders in two hours we thumb wrestle, eat otter pops, and have a leisurely conversation about the meaning of life.
Day three- the boredom nearly killing us, Scar cuts vinyl for names of everyone in derby she knows (assuming they will be used at some point or another), bonghit sews a stock of 300 armbands (in each size) and Ron inventories every individual bearing.
So really, no worries. Spend not a moment fretting about the diligent employees you left behind.
Have no fear. We're on it. We even had time to coreograph a group cheer routine to greet walk in customers at the door.
In fact, should you decide to stay in that enchanting state, know with certainty that Wicked skatewear will keep on keepin on.

Love, Scar

And then I wake up.

and realize that I have to go open up shop, Bossladies won't be back till Monday.

So Dear customers/readers/friends of Wicked,
In reality a lot of blood, sweat, and tears (#notcliche #literally) went in to those 72 hours.
It amazed me how much these remarkable bossladies do on a daily basis. I knew they rocked, but I didn't know they were superhuman (though I could've just looked at the coloring contest entries-duh.) Bonghit and I trying to be even half of what they are left Ron with two women who were walking stressballs.
So thank you. Thank you to BossTrain and Boss9 who talked us through countless mini-meltdowns, and came home and got us all back on track. Thank you to the walk in customers who had to hear "let me check the website" or "let me call B-Train" to every question. Thank you to the people who called only to hear me answer the phone sounding either incredibly annoyed or excessivly nervous and frazzled.
My apologies if you find any blue hairs we may have ripped out in your order, or any type A+ blood, or droplets of perspiration.
But if you happen to discover little crumbs of herbalife relax now pills- consider it our gift to you.

Till the next time Bossladies are struck with wanderlust!
Scar

It's official. Pubs are the same the world over. Right?

2011-06-08T11:49:00.000-07:00

Bee-bee-beep-beep-de-beep... Wheelspin Shady here with another fast breaking news flash from Foreign Parts.

As the nearest thing Wicked has to an international correspondent, I scour the interwebs for what's happening outside of the Wicked Batcave.

We don't have the budget for special effects, so you'll need to imagine, in your head, a fade to a rather charming animation of a plane travelling over a black line on an Olde Timey map. Possibly with the Indiana Jones theme playing in the background. If you're having trouble, use this stock photo to get in the mood.

Whee! From Wicked HQ, the plane (it's got propellers yeah?) flies across the globe, across seas full of plankton, shrimp, whales and kraken, across uncharted bits that say "Here Be Dragons", and to a land of convicts and silly hats, crocodiles and Crocodile Dundee... That's right, we're in Australia. If you don't know where Australia is, the instructional video below marks its location exactly:

Travel with me, to an Aussie pub, where antipodean people are kicking back with their lager beers and their, well, lager beers - that's pretty much all they drink if my limited imagination and experience of imported beers is anything to go by. But what do they REALLY drink?

Fear not, because I have done some research and it is, in fact, to the surprise of no one, lager beer.

You can't experience the cool crisp taste of this Australian lager, because you're not there (unless you are, in which case, kudos). Neither am I, but we can both share the heady experience of an Australian pub vicariously, by viewing this historical video documentary (it's in slow motion to fully capture that slightly inebritated feel):

There you go. Much the same, in fact, as a pub in Britain - and the desk of your faithful correspondent. I have no idea whether it's the same for you, but I'd sure like to know.

Join me next time, when I will be enlightening all and sundry as to what it's like somewhere else in the world, where they like the same things as we do, and are probably up to the same things we are.

Until then, remember that this weekend - June 10-12 - The Arizona Derby Dames are hosting Battle on the Bank IV, and YOU will be able to observe Wicked denizens Strychnine and Scarlene in their semi-natural habitat, the Wicked Skatewear booth! There is talk of giveaways. If you can't be there, stay glued to DNN and Derby Deeds, and as ever, watch the skies!

Wicked Hijinks - Albany! Behind the scenes!

2011-06-05T18:37:00.000-07:00

Now that the party is over & I'm kicking it at my parents house in the woods ... here's a little looksie into the past couple months and this weekend! It's a little long and there will be a follow up post re: Saturday/Sunday!

Why Albany?
I'm a local! Literally - born at St Peters, lived in Albany until I was seven then moved to Coxsackie until I left for undergrad. It's cool. I own the fact that I grew up in Coxsackie. I've heard it all so bring it :)

A few months ago, I received a 'save the date' wedding thing for my brother. Couple days in Lake Placid? OKAY. Date was saved and I was probably im'ing with Albany All Stars Sin & Tonic about the upcoming trip. A light bulb flickered & soon burned out in this little head of mine - Wicked should throw a party in Albany. She was in & checked with the league. They said yes too. :SQUEEEEEEE: I love parties!!! We've been throwing them in So Cal for LADD, YAYCDG, IEDD & Mission City and they've been a buh last.

Strychnine & I have noodled with the idea of opening more stores. Albany was on the list ... AND! We've decided against opening more stores at the moment :) It's not that it's a horrible idea. It's not the right time. LA is rad and we have the bestest store manager in the world. Scarlene is kinda amazing. At the same time - stuff happens! While LA is about an hour drive, I couldn't imagine having a store on the other side of the country right now. Even while we were in Albany setting up for the party on Friday, I was on the phone with the warehouse in HB a few times. Sky wasn't falling at all - it's just that stuff happens that needs our attention.

Planning!
Wicked is in. Albany All Stars are in. What else do we need? Skates. HI QUADZILLA & GRN MNSTR. Apparel. Wicked Tees, Iron Doll & DerbySkinz. Gear. Triple 8 is in NY. They're in. Food? McGeary's is on of the girls sponsors. DJ? We were cool with just an iPod though Lucy rolled in with real stuff & killed it! Beer? we'll roll in a keg. Flyer. Wicked's designer Lesley is amazing & whiped it up for us. Giveaways. Triple 8 donated along with Tru Luv Tool Co. Bathroom. Rented a port o potty. Flights. I had a free trip on southwest so we booked Strychnine on Expedia. Hotel in Albany (because I'm not driving back & forth to Coxsackie!). The girls locked in Holiday Inn Express. Handled.

So then we blasted
About 2 weeks before the event - I made a list of what we needed to ship and Anita HANDLED it. I love the crew that we're growing in CA. They're all amazing. I took a quick peak at the boxes & just shipped stuff completely trusting that they made it happen. We drop shipped a few things from manufacturers though we handled a lot from our warehouse stock.

Around the same time - Sin sends me an email ... hey, do you want a red carpet? Uh. Duh. Clearly. How much? Free. WHAT! YES! Thank you Albany Alive!!! (this part is still seriously killing me - we had a red carpet. how flipping cool is that!?)

Also at that time - I'm looking at my calendar. Memorial Day Weekend. Thursday through Monday - I'm in Phoenix for an ice hockey tournament, Strychnine is in Las Vegas for Punk Rock Bowling and Quadzilla is moving into a new place. I leave Wednesday for an 11 hour planned layover at Fraziers in Baltimore with my crew from college/post college. That leaves me with about 36 hours to handle the warehouse.

Thankfully - we're building a rad crew - I wasn't stressed during my 36 hours in CA. If this were last year - we would have pulled all nighters and have been complete nut bags getting orders out before we left!

Thursday June 2nd. Day before Event
I land Albany in the morning. Grab the rental car & come back to my parents house. I'm stoked because I get to spend the day with my grandmother. The week before, my 95 year old grandfather passed away so I knew that I had a funeral to go to Saturday at 2pm.

Thankfully - my mom picked up 2 AH DORABLE kittehs a couple weeks ago. I couldn't stop taking pictures or video of them. Obviously my parents computer & my iPhone are not being friendly ... so check out Quadzilla's facebook page for the videos!

Anyway - Quadzilla lands at 7pm and then Strychnine at 10:30pm. Albany has a practice at 6pm so I head up to scope the warehouse & figure out the general layout for the event before I grab Quadzilla, head to McGeary's before I go pick up Strychnine ... and then back to McGeary's :)

We are crashing at my parents house so the three of us try really hard not to wake everyone up at 2am laughing hysterically at pictures of me from kid until college. I won't share them. Strychnine & Quadzilla might!

Friday June 3rd. Day of Event!
Please also keep in mind - this is also my mom's first time meeting Miss Strychnine and she is SO excited. I was the first one up and I wake Strychnine up with kittehs! If you didn't know this - now you do. Strychnine is NOT a morning person :) It was hilarious to politely throw a couple kittens on her and then my 17 year old cat Oreo who had her ear taken off from cancer last year was also sleeping at her feet. Enjoy that mental picture!

Believe it or not - I am domestic and made a rocking brunch for us!

After we get ready and take some hilarious pictures of Quadzilla in my mom's smart car - it's time to get this show on the road!

Set up was great. Party at 7 and we started unloading at 5pm. While I was on im with the postal service restoring our password because the HB warehouse got locked out and online orders needed to ship - Strychnine, Quadzilla and the Albany girls worked their magic and we were good to go!

The red carpet arrived
and shortly thereafter ... so did food and keg of PBR! We kept it classy :)

We had over 100 people attend the event.
We received some monster hats! And meet Sin. She really made chit happen for us!

We worked the red carpet

Quadzilla jumped some people

We gave some stuff away

We sold some stuff.

And just incase you were wondering
All pictures from Albany Alive are here:
http://albanyalive.com/events/special/wicked-hijinks-2011/

Thank you everyone. We had an amazing time and cannot wait to do it again next year.

Love,
B-Train

Living in B-Train's email!

2011-06-02T11:44:00.000-07:00

If it wasn't for you - my life would be pretty boring! Seriously. I sometimes just snort when I read what you type.

It all started when we donated some gift certificates to Ventura for their Battle of the Coast event .... and some tried to redeem them online ...

The subject line of the email is "I'm retarded" so I kinda knew that it was going to be good?

That Guy (which is really a girl - I just like saying - That Guy):

Hello lovely lady,

I am having a problem that I hope you can assist me with. You see, I am usually pretty smart. At my day job I am able to perform tests that tell me whether blood or urine have STD's, (not an easy job I might add), but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to apply a $25 gift certificate towards my purchase on the Wicked Web Site. All I want is a pair of black Lift and Separate shorts so that my ass can look amazing, this is the only thing that will make up for the fact that my life is spent looking at foreskin cells to see if The Herpes is growing on it. (Yep, that's my life). Please help me!!!

Love,

Sandra Bullet

B:
i

love

you.

it's easiest if you have the discount code to copy/paste into the system at checkout. or have you not gotten that far in life?

TG: Friend, I have a code and I tried to do that. I really, really did. If the website was a Syphilis puzzle, I could figure it out, but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to copy and paste and make that code get applied. It's the little things in life that fuck me up.

You can use the email and my name on the Blog. I have no shame.................

love,

Sandra

B: i searched your code, it's active ... i copy & pasted it direct from my system.

try it again. worst case .... place the order and i'll refund you $25 :)

TG: Thanks friend!!!!

:couple days go by:

B: you good??

TG: Sigh. No friend. I will just order them and get a refund. When I finally find a cure for thatwhich will eradicate bumpy genitals from our world, you can say "yeah, she did that, but that hobag can't even order a pair of Lift and Separates from a website."
Looking forward to wearing the shit of those shorts though. I love Wicked Skatewear!
Sandra Bullet

B: Do it.

Holler back w order number :)

:about 2 weeks go by:

B: sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

where are you with all of this awesome?

TG: Still being retarded :) I'm going to order them today, just been super busy at work. I will let you know if I can finally figure it out :)

B: someone else from your league was also having an issue (what's in your water? jeez!)

i tested the code as a shopper & it worked fine .... make sure that you go all the way up into check out and put the code into the place that says gift certificate ... NOT discount code ... NOT zip code ... or any other code. just gift certificate ;)

TG:

Friend, I am not ashamed to admit that I didn't realize I should hit "Apply" in order to process the order.

Like I said, if the website were a Syphilis puzzle, I would have rocked that shit in about 5 seconds. :)

Thanks for all your help!!

Sandra Bullet

Dear Sandy Buns

2011-05-23T17:17:00.000-07:00

I love you. Really. You're an amazing skater & jammer. Thankfully - people confuse us. You gave me your time and didn't laugh too hard in my face when I tried to use those things called toe stops.

You've also donated some items from your figure skating days. I tried to wear the one that Liz is rocking during a practice. We're also stoked that Miss Ice Pax wants to make Strychnine a matching dude outfit for whatever chick outfit I choose. We started that process today .... and clearly got distracted.

We cried. Just look, watch and giggle too ....

Oh. And meet Ron. He helps with your orders.

I was too busy laughing to figure out video. Thankfully - Liz was on it!

So. Ron. Bless his heart. He goes on a break after we're done crying from laughter. When he comes back - he's all - I'M READY! We thought he was joking?

Trace your foot please!

2011-05-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

From time to time - we ask for a map of your foot to help guide us with sizing.

(I literally cannot stop laughing - so ... just here you go!)

OOOOOH MYY!! haha SO, I must share the experience I just went through getting these outlines for you. lol

I wanted to be as accurate as possible so I decided the best way to do that would to be to photocopy my feet.... well in my day-time profession, when not on skates, I am a Safety Manager for large construction company in my area. I was trying to be sneakyyyy, shoes off standing half on the counter balancing at least a foot a way with one foot lightly on the glass of the photo copier at a time trying not to break it! In comes my boss! BUSTED! Long story short... my boss loves that I play derby so after explaining what I was doing he laughed, but now I must explain "What not to do!" in my Friday Safety Meeting with the entire company :) Hope your Tuesday was as great as mine!

Hard at work as always- My first video blog

2011-05-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

You ever been dumpster diving?
It's amazing the stuff you can find.
So when on my way into work I saw a TV larger than my arm-span sitting outside the trash can at Wicked I couldn't help but see what shenanigans I could get in to. Perhaps it is the beginning signs of early onset hoarding disease, or my biological urge inherited from my homeless dumpster diving grandfather. Whatever the reason, I swiftly text BossTrain (who's skating at Battle for the Coast #woot) about the find. She instantly replied "does it work? Bring it into the warehouse and try it."
Now to give you and idea about this goliathan task... the TV is over 4 feet long and it was so wide that well....

I had to turn it sideways to even get it through the door.

Now I know NOTHING about electronics. So after significant effort put into simply getting it in the warehouse I did a few minute "where does this plug go???" dance. Finally I found it and alas- the wire to plug it in was broken.
To most people this would be a total bust- but to Scar it was an opportunity. Suddenly I got to thinking "I wonder what's inside?" turned in to "what if I could pop the screen out?".
So I went to work, I unscrewed all the screws, and yet it still wouldn't open. At about this point Liz walked in to find me attempting to pry it open with a screwdriver and anything else I could find. I explained to her the predicament, and she began to help me. Her motivation purely being that if we could break it open, I could be put inside it.
I wanted to reenact I love Lucy.
So after considerable force we broke it open, and well, I'll let the pictures do the talking.
"SCAR STRIKE A POSE!"
"I can't! I can't move!"

Thank goodness Liz was here to document the happenings.

Customers? What customers?

Logo Pealing Contest!

2011-05-13T13:27:00.000-07:00

Strychnine & I decided yesterday that it was time to test the employees. $20 cash and a free drink at Starbucks = prize for the fastest and right!

We received a team order yesterday that required over a dozen logos to be pealed. PERFECT!

We separated the logos and each person could take as much time as they wanted on the 1st logo/peal and it would be the 2nd logo/peal that gets timed.

Here's the crew testing it out:

Please keep in mind that once it's a contest - the entire mood of the warehouse shifts! It's rad. Everyone was looking at each other like - I'M GOING TO WIN THIS! Are you my biggest competition? Is it you? There was a lot of stretching, someone hammered down a 5 hour energy, mental preparation and trash talking.

3 .... 2 ...

Sorry I didn't get pictures while they were pealing ... I was too busy calling out the 30 second intervals and laughing!

Scar is taking home the prize today! At that point, the shaking chihuahua explained to the crew her approach to the logo and how she won. Then I asked each person to share their approach.

Did I trick everyone today in a total team building exercise!? OH YES! THAT'S WHAT I DO! Strychnine & I train/talk to everyone daily. It's a super rad learning experience to hear it from a kickass peer than a manager sometimes :)

Love,
B-Train

In our heads- Scar's very scientific hand/brain analysis.

2011-05-12T10:30:00.000-07:00

So. Hello lovelies, Hope your week has been ever so pleasant.

My week has been spent finding every spare second to cram in study time for finals, as well as writing up all my final papers. For one of my classes we were to write a paper related to students, learning, and we had to take a position on the issue. I chose to write on Hemispheric processing and it's relationship (or lack thereof) to Hemispheric processing (brain laterality and the left vs right brained phenomenon) . why am I telling you such a seemingly pointless story? Well, I'm glad you asked. It lays the platform from which we spring off of deep into the minds of the Wicked crew. I applied some simple tests to a few of the lackies (and both bossladies) to see what their Hands had to say about how they think. Feel free to try the tests yourself as well!

Step one: Collect human test subjects AKA willing participants.

My wary Victims- er- VOLUNTEERS were: Liz, Boss9, BossTrain, Ron, and (to assure them it was safe) myself.

Step two: ask the participants what their dominant hand is

Step three: have participants interlock their hands, then report on which thumb is on top

Step four: measure the ring and index fingers of each volunteer. (at this point Liz and Ron were quite reluctant, with Liz suggesting I was either doing voodoo or had begun moonlighting as a palm reader. )

results: (and why the heck I did it)

Dominant hand:

Liz- Right

boss9- Right

bosstrain- Right

Ron- Right

Scar- Left

what's the significance? (on a side note- I totally just heard Peewee herman in the back saying "I DONT KNOW!") #fyi #peeweesbigadventure

It has long been thought that handedness was some indication of which hemisphere of the brain we are more strongly controlled by, this is somewhat true in that 95% of right handers are left brained. You would think this cross dominance would then be true of left handers as well... but in reality only 18% of left handers are right brained. What's the difference in right and left brained individuals?

Well each hemisphere of the brain handles different tasks and excels in different areas, which side you lateralize more functions in helps determine how you see, experience, and react to the world.

In short (for those of you who are visual-nonverbal learners -*a trait more characteristic of right brained individuals*) ....

therefore...

Something to note: only 10% of the population is left handed- Scar likes to collect minority groups.

#adversityjunkie?

Just sayin.

However, since the handedness rule is not steadfast we tried another test at determining brain dominance...

Thumb test:

Liz- Left

Boss9- right

Bosstrain- right

Ron- left

Scar- Left

the thought behind this simplistic experiment is that you will naturally have a preferance for things that are controlled by your dominant brain. therefore if you put the left thumb on top you are thought to be right brained, and vice versa.

Given that, the thumb you put on top should match your hand preference. It is worth noting that while this was true of boss9, BossTrain and I, Liz and Ron put the thumb of there reported non dominant hand on top.

However, if we believe the results of this crude test to be correct then Ron, Scar and Liz are right brained, while Bossladies are left brained. is there something to be investigated further in that the Managers, Owners, top-bananas, are both (according to this) more logical, linear, and reasonable and the lackies are a bit more creative, dreamy and flighty? I'm not sure, but it's something to ruminate on.

Finally third, the finger lengths.

This survey strayed a bit from the original purpose and instead was attempting to measure the level of testosterone we were exposed to in utero. The premise is thus: those who are born male typically have ring fingers longer than their index finger. This indicates a higher level of testosterone. (Disclaimer: In the following I am not attempting to insult, undermine, or call into question anyones masculinity, or femininity. Please take everything said from this point forward with a grain of salt.) Women, conversely usually have ring fingers that are of equal length to (or slightly shorter than) their index fingers.

What can testoserone do?

Testoserone can do many things, build muscle, increase libido, give greater bone strength, and even increase assertiveness; but it is also thought to increase (mind you the following is a non-exhaustive list) ones risk of autism, Schizophrenia, ADHD, Homosexuality and (to come full circle) left handedness. In fact boys are twice as likely to be left handed as girls. #anomaly

So what did our hands say about our testosterone levels?

Liz had ring fingers and index fingers of identical lengths (2.5 inches) suggesting typical levels for a female

Boss 9 had similar results with both fingers being 3 inches in length.

Ron had the deviation typical of a male- his ring finger being two tenths of an inch longer than his index.

BossTrain had identical results to Boss9 (3 inches each).

then there was Scar. Scars digit ratio was atypical for a female. In fact her ring finger differed from her index by a whopping three tenths of an inch. (2.8 and 2.5 respectively.)

Scars hands are SO GAY.

What can I say? #bornthisway

However I now feel like an outsider being that my hands do not look like those of my female counterparts, so I will need intensive therapy, and am considering ring finger reduction surgery.

that is all.

When I revealed to the participants what their results were (though they won't know what the results mean till they read this blog post!) they had the following reactions....

Liz: Is this to predict the measurement of our man junk?

Boss9: If I have the longest finger, does this mean I have the largest.... (insert your preferred term for male reproductive organs here)?

Scar: this explains a lot, Liz has the smallest fingers, so perhaps all her cruelty is because she feels inadequate?

Liz: IT'S NOT SIZE THAT MATTERS.

BossTrain: I thought I had the biggest hands?!

Scar: you and Boss9 tied.

(at this point they begin holding their hands up to each others in heated competition)

Scar: you guys scored identical in every category.

BossTrain: (looks at me dumbfounded and frustrated) How do you win? Scar. this is serious. How do you win?!

Here's to hoping you enjoyed this very scientific hand to brain analysis, and perhaps even had some fun trying it out yourself.

Oh, and men- take head: if when you are putting the ring on her finger, that finger is longer than her index, you may not be exactly what she's looking for.

all my love,

Scar

Ps. If you want to learn more.... or question my sources, below is a copy of my essay with more fun statistics- sources cited next to the statement.

Handedness. From the time a person is born it is one of the first characteristics people use to differentiate, group, and even judge you. It may be the first preference we really show, knowingly or not. I can personally attest that as young as sixth months old I would switch anything placed in my right hand to my left. One can often predict the handedness of a child in the fetal stage, as it will most often be the hand held closest to the mouth (Hopkins, page 2). Interestingly hand contact with the face had no bearing on eventual handedness; it was specifically hand to mouth that was significant. Louise Ronnqvist and Brain Hopkins found that newborns in a controlled environment (where effects of gravity or the childs head and body structure were reduced) most often turned their head to the right, and showed an overall preference for the right side, even exhibiting a deficit in left side motor skill development (Ronnqvist, Hopkins, Par.1-2). Approximately ninety percent of the population is right handed, with ten percent being left handed (men twice as likely as women) and a rare minority being ambidextrous (capable of using both hands equally). Even ancient civilizations noticed this statistic, though to an extent it was used to discriminate against left hander (the Latin “sinister” or “left” ended up meaning evil, and the root “dexter” or “right” became “dexterous” meaning skilled with ones hands). In fact, left handedness became so taboo in society that within my lifetime forced conversion to right handedness is practiced. My pre-school originally thought it was best to discourage or even disallow use of the left hand for writing. This process has now been shown to cause learning disorders, dyslexia and stuttering (Bryngelson, Clark, Par. 1-3). Thank goodness they didn’t do it! Handedness has been attributed to a number of causes- birth orders, testosterone levels in utero, and even a twin fetus that vanished in the womb! (This has since been repeatedly disproven). The idea of a hormonal cause is reinforced by the correlation with other hormone linked traits, homosexuals have been found to have higher levels of testosterone in the womb, and the community also has higher incidence of left handedness (BBC: Sex ID). Similarly children with autism (who may have been exposed to higher amounts of the hormone) are more likely to be left handed. A persons handedness has been linked to effects such as IQ, susceptibility to disease, creativity, predisposition to mental illness, and more. Perhaps most importantly however, it can give us insight into brain lateralization functioning, also known as hemispheric processing, or in lay mans terms: the phenomena of left brain/right brain dominance.
Laterality is a major part of the human composition; it’s a major part of all living things make up, for that matter. Amino acids, sugars, sub-atomic particles, and even DNA all have “left” and “right” versions (Denny, O’Sullivan, pg 4). If so many things in us are divided into distinct left and right types, why not our brains? Despite the blatant laterality that does not imply that there is symmetry. Externally we appear symmetrical, but inwardly our organs are distributed asymmetrically, and our brain is no different. This theory was originally presented by Roger Wolcott Sperry and in 1981 he won the Nobel Prize for his “Split brain” research (though investigation in brain lateralization had begun as early as 1861). He and his student Michael Gazzaniga studied patients who had undergone “corpus colostomy” the severing of the corpus collosum, which connects the left and right brain hemispheres. Testing that such patients undergo post surgery has repeatedly shown that each brain side can function independently, but has very specific specialties. For example, patients could be shown pictures to one eye (that communicates with one hemisphere) but would not be able to articulate what they were seeing, because verbal skills were controlled by the other hemisphere. Similarly, patients math skills were not remarkable when presented to their left side, but sub-par when shown to the right side (Funnell, Colvin, Gazzaniga, abstract). The sides of the brain have individual “jobs” so to speak that help us think efficiently. This division of labor, or lateralization of brain function is even exhibited in animals. Fish, frogs and reptiles, as well as assorted mammals have shown that the left hemisphere handles routine events, basic survival skills but that the right hemisphere responds when there is a sudden threat or unexpected occurrence (Vallortigara, Rogers, Abstract). Strength is needed on both sides for an animal to survive.
So what is the connection between hemispheric processing and handedness? Well the preference for one hand is thought to indicate a motor skill deficiency in the other, subsequently a lack of dominance in that side of the brain. The right hander is almost always left brain dominant (95%); this would seem to suggest that left handers would with great majority be right brain dominant. However this is an incorrect assumption, though the percentage of right brain dominant left handers is higher than those who are right handed (18.8% vs. 5%) it is still not a majority. Left handers have also been shown to have abnormally high levels of bilateral brain functioning, with 19.8% processing language in both hemispheres (Taylor, Taylor, pg 362). This shows the correlation between handedness and hemispheric processing has been exaggerated and are still in need of significant research. In fact in order for our brain to function we need to make good use of both hemispheres, and bar the total removal of one side there are no “only left brained” or “only right brained” individuals. There still exist some parallels however. Lefties are disproportionately present in sports, suggesting advanced spatial relations (thought to be controlled by the right hemisphere). Some oddities have yet to be explained, such as why the left handed minority is more susceptible to experiencing fear and post traumatic stress disorder (Dr. Carolyn Choudhary), or why we are also more likely to die before right handed counterparts. All this and an added genetic predisposition for autism, down-syndrome, and epilepsy! Not all of it is a disadvantage though, college educated people who use their left hand earn 10-15% more than right handed people with comparable education, and four of the last six US presidents were left handed, many of them running against candidates who were also southpaws! In school left handers have shown above average intellect (20% of the top SAT scorers were lefties, twice the population average) but their performance may be compromised due to delayed language and writing development (Santrock, pg 172-205). Impaired phonology development, dyslexia, and stuttering are not uncommon in left handed children. The most important thing to remember when dealing with a left-handed child in the classroom is forced conversion to right handedness is rarely beneficial. On the contrary, it can be seriously damaging to a childs development. Moreover it’s a matter of principle; we cannot, and should not, attempt to force a person to change from how they are naturally inclined to be; it is unethical and unhealthy. More research is yet to be done on the how’s and whys or handedness and it’s assumed link to hemispheric processing, but for now it must be shared that there is no “right” way to think.

Dentist trips can be less than pleasant.

2011-05-06T14:06:00.000-07:00

When they want to do a lot of painful things to you then charge you copious amounts of money for it, it's even worse.

Today Boss9 went to the dentist and they found a slew of things that they wanted to do. She lets BossTrain know "Hey it's going to be a thousand dollars".

Later we get another text 200% price increase... it's going to be three thousand.

BossTrain calls the office up to see why there was such a dramatic price increase, when introducing herself she says "I'm kinda with Suzy". Bonghit and I giggle.

Upon hanging up the phone she has already hatched a plot: "Scar I need to take you with me to the dentist, here's the deal- I'm her domestic partner and you're our child". She looks at me expectantly- as if I'd ever say no to such a proposition.

I, with only a small hint of levity, say "My dream has come true"

I'm totally serious. So off we go to pay the dentist a visit. We didn't exactly tell Boss9 we were coming.... she was informed however (much to her surprise) by the receptionist. We're led back to the room where they're working on her. Boss9 is about to introduce us "oh she's-" but BossTrain swiftly says "I brought the whole family!"

Boss9: "Hows the dog"
Dentist: "She was telling me she has a dog"
BossTrain: "a dog, two cats, and the kid"

Trying not to smile. I need acting classes for this job.

We make more chit chat (or BossTrain does, I just stand there trying to look even younger than I am- because no one would believe these women have a 17 year old) and we learn that the dentist knows Kit Cat Go Boom of the OC Roller Girls and that pretty much everyone in the office digs roller derby!

We give them Wicked stickers, fliers, and invite them by. The dentist knows where we are located because she has seen the sign- which was hilarious because it's giant and rainbow. We left with like ten toothbrushes, and a Boss9 with a 3,00 dollar the better mouth.

Success!

Oh those arm bands!

2011-05-03T21:45:00.000-07:00

Thankfully for us - we just learned that the glitter silver vinyl and the arm band material aren't friends over time. Unfortunately for this kid - she learned the hard way and has to deal with me to resolve this 'issue' ...

It's the regular UH OH MY ORDER email:
Hey bitches,
I just got my package in the mail and am SUPER excited not to have to write my number on my arm in Sharpie anymore! The arm bands rock. I'm totally glad I ponied up and got the silver glitter numbers. Win.

However...
The numbers on one of the arm bands isn't attached all the way. One of my '2's is sloppy. And with how graceful I am I can imagine it won't take me long to catch it on some velcro and annihilate.

Anyway you can fix it? Or send me a new pair?

So - I want to send her the iron on instructions. We ship iron ons DAILY! I can't even iron my own shirt - that's why I own a heat press ... though some people know how to do this stuff well, so I take my chances. Here's the instructions. Keep me posted and tell me who signed the packing slip.

This guy (though it's totally a gal - I just like saying 'this guy'):

Looks like a loopy heart and 'Le'. But in your defense I wouldn't have caught it unless I put it on my arm.

(And I really wanted to write 'your mom' HA! But I want you to think your customers have SOME class... cause addressing an email 'hey bitches' just oozes it, yes?)

And then I said:

HAHAHA

Iron On Instructions attached :)

Worst case - we'll send you a new pair!

She's working the press right now. I'll either crop dust her or holler with a throat punch. We'll see what happens first :P

LOVE
b

And then she said (mind you - I full on snorted and probably pee'd a little laughing):

Whatup B,

I keep forgetting to write back!

I took my arm bands to the local t-shirt/iron on maven -for she has a heat press and I am lazy- and she fixed my bands. They weathered one scrimmage and one bout. :( It's only the one band that wasn't fused all the way in the first place that's falling off again. (I'm assuming here). The numbers are once again loose and floppy like a drunk hooker.

:(

Can you help a rookie out? Fix my flashy arm band?
I realize that until I can hit harder than a kitten and juke better than a blind fat kid in a wheelchair I really don't deserve the flashy accoutrements yet, but the sharpie is seeping into my brain.

Clearly - we're remaking the arm bands and using white vinyl.

I blame fast food.

2011-05-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

So any of you recall the Dan White trial Twinkie defense? I'm about to use it. After all, it worked fairly decently for him. I'm going to tweak it a bit however. Instead of asserting that a diet of junk food exacerbated negative humor, I maintain that it is my lack of junk food. Allow me to explain....
The other day in the warehouse Bonghit, Liz and I were not far from starting an all out war. Well actually, I was the one ready to lose it, they of course found this hilarious so antagonized me further. Needless to say, this started a vicious cycle. Finally I tried for the ever mature "silent treatment" (as opposed to my whining tantrums that I throw before I make instructional youtube dance videos. ) They were fairly shocked, as I typically talk even more than I write on these blog posts. they were not enjoying the silence (#depechemode) so Bonghit asked why I had been so unpleasant recently. Liz pointed out perhaps it was symptoms of withdrawal from my dietary staples, pizza and subway, that I've all but given up thanks to Derbalife. Yes, I am on the Derbalife bandwagon. Formula 1 shakes are like crack. I still can't take the vitamins though..... my swallowing ability is less than stellar. #getyou'remindoutofthegutter
I did end up telling Krissy Krash about their concerns and she asked if I really thought that was why I had been pissy. I pointed out that perhaps it was less my nutrition and more the fact that they endlessly mock and aggravate my OCD neurosis. Turns out, Derbalife has a pill for that too. So with all that said, I have not eaten pizza in over two weeks and therefore am not responsible for my words or actions. Sounds like a perfect opportunity to make fun of people on a public forum. Justin Dukes, you're it.
So this dude...
tried to demand a copy of Hellarad from Wicked. (We knew he had to be tough because of the graffiti covered abandoned building backdrop)
Who is this person? What amazing things has he done to earn it? Well he has hitchhiked across the Midwest. I mean we should feel sorry for him since if he did that he apparently can't afford a car. He also (perhaps to earn enough cash to buy a tractor so he could stop walking through the amber waves of grain. ) has fought in a mixed martial arts fight. It is pity inducing that he had no more promising opportunities than being thrown into a cage, stripped of his shirt, and left to be beat up. Perhaps his manager was Michal Vick.
someone let the poor boy out.

So what does he do as a career?
He likes to advertise that he is a "Fitness pro"
How’s that going for you Justin? Perhaps the plugs in your ears are to reduce on wind resistance during sprints?
I think that occupation is ending about as well as his MMA fight did...

because in reality he works as a desk clerk for a tattoo parlor. As BossTrain says "he probably wears Ed Hardy." 'Nuff said.
Don't worry, if you quit your day job maybe you should audition to be insurance commercials

and I don't mean the one with large African American man with an awesome voice or the one with the creepy white guy who sits in trees.
then there's this.... http://www.youtube.com/justindukes#p/a/u/2/g2a0yZSFf8o the music, the facial expressions (or lack thereof), the bad intro sequence, the fact that he spends no less than 30 seconds rubbing this sphere like it's a magic lamp, I really am at a loss for what to laugh at first.
But, Mr. Dukes ball handling skills are terrific; which begs the question how long does he spend home alone doing this? It's apparently called "contact juggling" which I personally was hoping was "full-contact juggling" where a person trying to juggle is repeatedly hit or hip-checked or something by an opponent. I was disappointed to learn this is not the case, but last I checked the whole point of juggling was throwing the balls into the air and catching them, actually requiring a decent amount of finesse and hand eye coordination.However when it's all said and done he likes Roller Derby. This is somewhat redeeming, so perhaps he isn't a total douche. Mr. dukes you can expect your copy of Hellarad in the mail courtesy of Wicked Skatewear, however next time before you demand something from us try actually paying the price of a Hellarad: "free to people who don't suck".

Starting Wicked

2011-04-26T19:12:00.000-07:00

Last week I had an interview with Wicked on Tuesday 4/19... The interview was pretty normal at first but as a stay at home dad for over a year I was still nervous, well by the end of the interview I knew needless to stay it defiantly wasn't gonna be a standard clock in clock out environment , maybe it was the Zombie Apocalypse question near the end of the interview..

Well I guess my Zombie Apocalypse answer was ok cause I started Wednesday working With B, Strychnine, DUMP TRUCK, Anita Bonghit, & Scar, and I felt right at home.. They invited me to the super secret green party on Friday upon the first day of meeting me, which was a rad time! It was great to be welcomed by kick-ass peeps who are the "real deal"!!! This company is truly awesome! I can tell you from first-hand exp. that they are everything and more you expect and I am happy to be welcomed to the team.

Douchelene is not to be trusted.

2011-04-26T14:29:00.000-07:00

Sup, blog? I have a story for you. Like to hear it? Here it go.

On Monday night I decided it was a good idea to buy some hockey playoff tickets. I don't know anything about hockey, but playoff anything is a good time. I got some really good tickets for pretty cheap on StubHub, so I bought that mess and decided the Wicked lawyer needed to come with me. We could only get the tickets if we bought 3, so we were all f' it, someone will come with us. That someone was Boss Train. She LOVES hockey and left Dick9 to handle the new lackies so she could scream at dudes with Sniperella and I.

Seats were good, fans were good, game was good, beer was good. Like, REALLY GOOD. I fell in love with hockey last night, and dumped an entire bag of peanuts into my purse. I was heckling and yelling like I knew what I was talking about, because I am from New England and we are inherently good at watching sports. Also, the tiger/lion mascot guy is my new best friend and I really wanted to ride him around the Staples Center. Such a fail for not even trying.

Boss Train was busy doing who knows what. Eating nuts, talking to boys, something. I went off to buy a beer and she needed one so she handed me the Wicked card and asked me to get one for her too. I grabbed the card and ran for some reason. Like I think I was trying to steal it? Not sure. Then I decided Wicked should also buy me a beer, and I came back to the seats drunk off my ass with an extra beer that B definitely did not ask for. Basically, I stole from Wicked and was REALLY proud of myself when I told her and the company lawyer what I did. An important thing to know is B had already bought me a beer before the game, so I was just being a greedy thief by doing this. Living up to my name.

I cannot be left unsupervised at a sporting event with beer. PS I still have nuts in my bag. Also, I might have passed out on the train on the way home. Classy.

Hiring. It's Entertaining!

2011-04-24T10:38:00.000-07:00

Wicked Skatewear needed help and we've exhausted all of our friends as well as friends of friends so it was time to spend the $25 on a craigslist ad:

Uniform Production.
We're an online uniform and apparel company that needs some help in the warehouse!

Shift:
M-F 9am-1pm

What will you be doing?
Pealing vinyl (names/numbers for uniforms)
Helping with inventory
Filling online orders
Keeping warehouse tidy
Some interaction with walk-in clients

Please email the following answers to btrain@wickedskatewear.com to be considered for group interview:
You're available to work Monday thru Friday 9am-1pm?
What year did you graduate?
What sports did or do you play (group or individual)?
Favorite band (or top 3)?

Location: 18372 Gothard St Huntington Beach
Compensation: $8/hour
This is a part-time job.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

I didn't know that we'd get 70+ applicants. I also didn't know that people would still be applying.

First up: How did you narrow it all down? If they listen to country. Delete. If they've never played a sport. Delete. The title of the role is Uniform Production. I at least need to know that you've worn a uniform. Maybe have even seen one? That took away about 10 ... now what?

Delete everyone who didn't include a resume. While I asked you to just answer the questions, did you go above & beyond the request? Pealing vinyl isn't rocket science and we need to know that if you're the type of person who is done with a task - will you sit there & pick your nose or create awesome with down time.

That took me to the 15 to bring in to interview. I scheduled about 10 over 2 days. Please keep in mind that it was a group interview so if you came in - you had to stare at a combination of myself, Jessie, Scar, Liz, Bong Hit, Strychnine and/or Dumptruck. Everything that we asked was based on what we've experienced over the past 3 years. We let everyone know that we do a lot of work with the gay/lesbian community, confirmed the shift, pay rate, perks/benefits and then asked a combination of the following (because we can really train anyone to peal vinyl, we're more concerned with the culture/fitting in):

What's your better subject - math or english?
What's your favorite pizza topping?
What phrase would you put on a tee shirt or what's a funny shirt that you've seen recently?
Are you allergic to peanuts?
If zombies attack - what's your plan?

Clearly - the zombie question ruled for everyone. In a later blog post - Scar will chat up her experience interviewing and Cory will discuss what it's like to interview here as well as his first week on the job!

Who is now filling your orders?
CORY! Strychnine noticed on his resume that he used to work at one of our favorite bars for 4+ years so I was pumped that he wanted to interview with us. He brought a copy of his cover letter and resume to the interview so that MBA in me kinda went bananas! He interviewed well and then commented on how he paints & is also a graphic designer. I keep thinking - Okay, I'm hiring you - though I have a full day left of interviews. Let's see how this goes. ps - If you're at Johnny's and see most of those silhouette paintings - THAT'S OUR BOY!

I set out to fill one position on Team Early and *&^%!!!!! There were two more I couldn't resist.

RON! He starts tomorrow afternoon! Then the last 2 interviews of the day completely took me by surprise. This guy Jeff was rad. Has a ton of retail experience and full on opening stores down on Main Street. Has worked a bunch of the events on the beach and just ruled overall so I know that he could handle the social/culture of working in the warehouse and would kill it if we sent him to events. Then I met Ron. HE WORE A TIE! Commented on having a bunch of ecommerce experience and then looking at his resume - he's going to school for comp sci. Again - we can teach anyone to peal vinyl so we're also looking for the 'what else' ...

Dumptruck and I went back and forth for easily a half hour about the pros/cons of bringing Jeff or Ron onto the team. First - I had to contact Cory. Phew! He was in. It all came down to the website. We need Lesley (aka Mrs Sluttersworth) on more 'big picture' things instead of WILL YOU ADD THIS TO THE SITE stuff. We'll get a shipment in, it'll sit in the back of the warehouse for a day, make it's way to Strychnine's desk & sit for another day before Strychnine emails Lesley to get it online. With Ron - BOOM! It's done.

Wanted: Lackey for Wicked Skatewear, Requirements: must be ok with being blogged about

2011-04-24T09:22:00.000-07:00

It all started thusly...

Boss9 mentioned to BossTrain that we might need to run down the street for a day laborer to catch up since lackeys had been calling out. Instead - they worked super late into the night to catch up on orders. BossTrain was also tired of flys in the warehouse. Boss9 let her know "you know, we can pay people to do that" and so the quest began.

Or something like that.

But finding the perfect candidate would be a long arduous task. The requirements were stringent ("they can't be more awkward than Scar" -BossTrain) and the ridiculousness of the questions we could ask was limited. Psh, legal-ness.

When the original add was put on craigslist we listed our line of work as "uniform production", a bit of an understatement I believe. We asked questions that were entertaining yet relevant...

1. Can you work Monday-Friday (9am-1pm)?
2. What sport(s) did/do you play? (this was a must, and team sports were preferred)
3. Top three favorite bands? (Work is more fun with music, and shared love -or at least tolerance- of old school R&B or 80's hair metal is a plus, any contemporary country music was immediate grounds to terminate your application process *Luckily for Jessie she too was hired pre-craigslist application*)

So allow me to submit my application below (thank goodness I was hired before this process!)
1. no.
2. I played Baseball, and Softball. I pretty much love all sports. I had a season with soccer, and a brief encounter with fencing and tennis (though certainly not simultaneously!) as well.
3. Almost impossible for me to pick, but I suppose....
Matisyahu, Indigo Girls (this one is a close tie with Brandi Carlile, so when they collaborate it's even better), and Afrojack. My favorite songs however are from totally different bands, 1. Landslide (Stevie nicks), 2. The Absence of god (Rilo Kiley- If I ever do have a child, it will be named "Rilo Kiley" for sure. ), 3. Paris is burning (Ladyhawke)

Oh, and by the way, I tested out of High School two years early, but because I didn't actually complete it I'm considered a dropout. Also, I'm a minor who can't even buy you sharpies when you send her on a walmart run. #truestory #theyID'edme

I would have never even made it past this round, much less gotten the job.
Just sayin'. So grateful that I got on this bandwagon in December!
But I digress.
so in total 70 people filled out the application and BossTrain narrowed it down to 15 people who actualy attached their resumes. From that 10 interviews were scheduled. Some of the interviewees actually did out awkward Scar (#Iwassurprised), so they were a no. Think about it - we go to events. We need social! We asked them questions such as "What is your zombie survival plan?"* "math or english?"* "what saying would you put on a shirt?" and "what's the last show you went to?". We got answers such as "math is hard", and "I wouldn't put a saying on a shirt, that's just not my thing.", but then again we also got some cool answers such as "don't be a dick" for a shirt, and well thought out zombie survival instructions. So BossTrain narrowed it down to three people: Cory, Ron and Jeff. Cory was all around rad, Ron had computer skills and Jeff would be good at events.

*In case you were wondering how Wicked would react in the zombie apocalypse, we have it all planned out: Liz and Boss9 would hide up in the rafters at costco, Bonghit would go to Jamaica and become a zombie herself, BossTrain would run at them and bite them first, and Scar would run away screaming and hide behind her.
*I was the only current employee who answered English :/

In the end she knew for sure we had to hire Cory. He had a well put together resume, was a family man, and even used to bar-tend at Bossladies fave bar. They felt he was an all around great guy. One thing we commented on when we told prospective employees about Wicked Skatewear was "we do a lot of work with the Gay and Lesbian community" Cory was totally chill with that, and in fact had been to events to support LGBT individuals; everyone saw this as a plus (and I was particularly relieved!).
The other addition to the Wicked posse is Ron, we're super excited for him to help with our computer stuff so Slutts can rock on bigger projects (such as making pictures of all of the Wicked crew as celebrities, such things are far more important). During the interview he wore a suit (he gussied himself up for us?! :)) but still was chill enough to say "Don't be a dick" would be his phrase for a shirt.
We're totally stoked to have these guys on the team.

(Except for shitpants, he does not approve.)
More info on them will come in future posts I'm sure so you can better get to know the new lackeys of Wicked Skatewear! :)

....But what possibly could boss ladies have better to do with their time that they'd want more employees?

well there's this..

and then there's this

"I want to eat cupcake glitter until I turn into a drag queen" -Boss9

And in the meantime, the assembly line will be hard at work!

Augusta to Albany: The Sirens Saga

2011-04-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

Let me include you all in another interesting adventure with me, otherwise known as the following: snookie, fun buns, katie khaos, @-hole… whatever you choose, that’s your prerogative…back to it -> I ordered this bag from another website other than Wickedskatewear.com *HUGE MISTAKE* it’s a pretty standard bag by Radar although it has a few flaws (ie. Who uses Velcro to hook a bag that carries SKATES??) anyway, aside from that, I only ever throw into it my minimum gear (skates, pads & my mouth guard) and ALL the seams have split wide open… I swear I didn’t fit a derby wife or smuggle a small child across some border... this was completely on its own with the rippin’ and the tearin’ (a reference I hope you don’t associate with) - the important part of this story is that the site I ordered from isn’t helpful, the guy completely doesn’t give a crap what happens to me or my lovely skates and so I emailed B-train for a possible connection to Radar. She emailed me back within seconds (that really isn’t an exaggeration) and had me linked to someone that could maybe help me fix the situation. Remember, I didn’t even order this specific item from wicked and yet, there they were to bail me out of skate-bag hell. Now, I’m officially ready to grab as many of my SOUL CITY SIRENS down here in Augusta GA to head up to Albany NY for a derby party (courtesy of B-train’s vast knowledge of all things fun.) The Albany All Stars are hosting this even on FRIDAY JUNE 3, 2011. If you’ve never been to NY, you really suck, so maybe this is your chance to learn where real people come from… if you find this offensive, pretend it’s like a religious journey that you must make before you die on JUNE 3rd 2011… hey, look at it like this, the world is predicted to end in 2012, right? So make this your Mecca. I didn’t say I was PC but I love a good time and sharing is caring or whatever.

I started out with a really bad day, bad attitudes all around… talked to ONE person from Wicked and I’m all sh*ts and giggles getting a road trip figured out. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THEM????? Drink the koolaid and embrace the team at Wickedskatewear.com –if you don’t, I’ll personally bruise your muffin tops.

Derbyluv

kate

Derby lil Secrets!

2011-04-21T12:08:00.001-07:00

Most of the time - I blog about the messed up emails from unruly clients, data or the ARE YOU KIDDING MEs of being a business owner.

Here's what I love about Wicked Skatewear:

We love supporting the roller derby community, new ideas, new stuff, new things, etc. It's always - How can we help? A few months ago, Bitty Bitch hit us up about this new magazine she's starting. We're in (duh) and I still check it out because there's already fiveonfive, Blood and Thunder, Hit & Miss so I want to know 'what's different' about this one.

I'm pumped on this one. It focuses more on 'us'. Wives. Traditions. Superstitions. I REALLY hope they talk about how crazy pants I am because I HAVE to put my left everything on before the right, otherwise I have to start over (yes. i'm a nutbag). Food. Welcoming Fresh Meat. Proms. Awards. Even the website - there are pictures of hugs, mustaches, stetching, etc.

Here's to you http://www.derbylilsecrets.com/ and all of your success. Thank you for this email. It made our day :)

Love,
B-Train

*******************
Hi,
So I am soo excited n giddy n all that shieet, 'cause I'm in the final stages, and she is almost all done, and I cant wait for the world to see my lil virgin.... eek!
I just wanted to say thank you.
You were the first to pick up add space and that was quite a bit of a catalyst into believing that I could make this happen, and there for, you mean the world to me. I'm not usually the sappy type, but wanted you to know how much it means to me.
k
done being sappy,
just, thanks, n you rock!!
xo
b
:-{) (thats me smilin @ ya, w a mustache!)

Kids MGMT plays in background

2011-04-17T23:24:00.000-07:00

First- A disclaimer. If you are a parent… please do not be offended by the following blog post. Provided you are a good one, you are in fact a lot more patient and snuggly then a good amount of the wicked posse. You’re also keeping the human race going. So good for you. This entry is not to be taken as a bashing of your role; on the contrary it should convey just how impressed we are at your maternal or paternal instincts, because some of us (I speak for myself) don’t have ‘em. Mad respect.

(that's R-E-S-P-E-C-T) <-tell me you could read this without hearing Aretha.

And mad love.

Or if you are kid yourself- please do not be offended by the following blog post. You’re fun, and entertaining, and the future and whatnot. We get this. We were all kids once…. Heck, I STILL AM ONE. #technically #ageisjustanarbitrarynumber #1994wootwoot

It all started when making a Wicked Onesie: http://wickedskatewear.com/wickedonsie.aspx. Boss9 had another of her entertaining freudian slips, and while telling me the difference in the measurements between baby clothes dimensions and adult clothes dimensions said “well if it was a real human we’d do this but because it’s a baby we’ll…” she caught herself, but it was too late. The warehouse was cackling. No one appeared particularly appalled though. So I struck up a conversation about how the girls of Wicked felt about children. Bonghit said without hesitation “kids are terrorists… they piss on your stuff and take things from you”. Liz quickly conferred “I once locked a four year old in a bathroom” (seeing the mix of shock and concern on my face she explained “they were throwing shoes at me- when I locked them in the bathroom it solved that.”) Now I have no motherly skills or inclinations at all, which considering my age is good (though if I did maybe I’d have my own show on MTV). But I was surprised to so swiftly hear my coworkers conclude “you’re not a human until you’re old enough to roller skate”. However, with some of the stories we’ve heard from Lackie Jessie, how can I blame them? In fact after hearing anecdotes that involve children using the bathroom on the kitchen floor, or in the backyard (don’t worry, we promptly sent the little angels “I pooped” shirts) producing offspring seems even more unpleasant than before!

However, despite their claims to the contrary- Bossladies do have children. Whether they acknowledge it or not! Boss9 is most certainly a mother to FYSP. That boy goes everywhere with her and is showered with love and attention.

and the occasional outfit...

It can be tough being the only child, and the baby of the family.

FYSP is not completley alone though, because both Bossladies have cats

....And as for BossTrain, she always tells everyone she won’t have kids- that’s just a cover up when she doesn’t want people to know I’m hers! Yup. Though how I ended up with such little physical resemblance, and she ended up with zilch baby weight, stretch marks, or anything is beyond me. Perhaps I was dropped by a stork, or like sent down a storm drain in a basket of reeds. Iono. Point is now she’s stuck with a teenager. Poor woman. Let that be a warning to everyone- kids are like puppies, you have them and they’re adorable and everything. Then they grow up and eat your food and bark at you.

*bonus: A word of advice- there are some places it’s inappropriate to take your young’uns. There are also some places it’s inappropriate to take your sweaty (looking as if they just got out of the shower), smelly, poorly dressed, fresh out of derby practice teenager. But that doesn’t stop people from doing it. Just today Boss9, Liz and I crashed our neighbor’s party. I was wearing sagging black skinny jeans over my derby pants, and a shirt that was drenched all down the back. It turned out to be a fancy art show with lots of elegantly adorned, caucasian, senior citizens. They were very gracious and invited us in, even offering Boss9 some champagne. Unfortunately, a customer came looking for us almost immediately (sigh- doing actual business is SO hard.) So we had to scurry out (or as I like to think of it, leave fashionably early). I suppose they thought we must’ve taken our glasses with us, or they just assumed that we were hooligan teenagers (or the woman with the pink hair was a klepto) and stole their fine china; because an hour or so later they came back and asked if we had any glasses to return. We didn’t obviously, and they must have felt a bit awkward about suggesting such a thing because they not only came back to thank us for coming but brought us cupcakes as well. COOL NEIGHBORS.

*bonus^2: A Rebuttal to the above post, Slutts sent us this video of her adorable ankle biter (or "nugget" both used by BossTrain :) ) The warehouse simultaneously went "awwwwww" and the estrogen in the air was suffocating.

The $100 Gift Cert Goes To!

2011-04-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

Re: Atom Jukes

sweet wheels!

Mandy Maggots (Broadview Hts., OH) 4/6/2011 2:39 PM

I must say these wheels take some getting use to, however they are the best wheels for jammers.

Thank you everyone who reviewed gear on the site! Here's how the selection process happened:
B: Hey Scar. Pick Skates, Wheels, Protective Gear or the other stuff
Scar: Wheels.
B: Hey Strychnine. Pick a wheel.
9: Jukes
B: Hey Scar. Pick a number between 1-5 (because that's how many reviews there are)
Scar: 5

:BAM:

We're hiring!

2011-04-15T16:04:00.000-07:00

I put an ad on craigslist with 4 questions to determine whether or not we bring the applicant in for a group interview with us.

Here's an example of who I am not calling back:

You're available to work Monday thru Friday 9am-1pm?

Since i have school I can work every Friday but after May 26th I can work everyday.

What year did you graduate?

I graduated in 2009 in H.S. attending college right now my second year

What sports did or do you play (group or individual)?

I used to play soccer for Ayso and took MMA classes

Favorite band (or top 3)?

My favorite band is Coldplay.

Liz- the Delilah of Wicked Skatewear

2011-04-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

If the whole shirt pressing thing doesnt work out, lackie Liz has a future career in cosmetology. Allow me to explain... Liz and I have had (particularly as of late) a tumultous love/hate relationship. Yesterday it got even more outrageous. First Boss9 and Liz had a hockey shoot off to decide who would have to wear a pair of hotpants that were misprinted. Liz missed a shot horribly and hit me (the innocent bystander) in the shins- so as redemption I threw a tennis ball at her- with deadly accuracy. At this point she grabbed a pair of scissors and began chasing me while yelling "Get over here.... i'm going to make your hair symmetrical!" After I ran through the warehouse and outside squealing for Boss9 like a little child Liz caught me and- I still can't believe it- cut off a chunk of my bangs. You can't make this stuff up folks. Well, at Wicked Skatewear Bossladies are fans of creative punishment. (See my RAWR hotpants post) So for this particularly unsavory act (chasing me with scissors AND mutilating my precious locks #kidding) Boss9 decided Liz was obligated to wear my hair....as a mustache. Like ON HER FACE. yes. This required more than coersion- it might've kind of required physical force. Luckily while Boss9 and I's hands were occupied carrying out this hilarity, Bonghit still had hands free to capture it on video.....

Or you can check it out on Wickeds youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?=-Z9zQicDrU8

yup- It happens. Another day in the life at Wicked Skatewear.

Preface to Wicked Showbiz- READ FIRST! :)

2011-04-08T10:15:00.000-07:00

The question posed to you is this....
If the cast in the picture above were to be the Wicked HB crew (Arielle, FYSP, Bonghit, Liz, Scar, BossTrain, Boss9, Dumptruck)
Who do you think would be who?
Predictions? Discuss in the comments! then after you read the other one, see how well you did!

here's the key:

Best of luck!

Wicked Showbiz

2011-04-07T22:49:00.000-07:00

No paparazzi please. Hollywood has come knocking for Wicked Skatewear! Well.... sort of. #exaggeration

The first inkling was when Gori Spelling (LA Derby Dolls) ordered some stuff this week, and came by the shop to pick it up. However, I WASN'T THERE to be starstruck and awkward. Not okay.

I was quickly consoled (or at least distracted from my sorrow) by an email from Penergy. She happens to make films and her upcoming project is
a roller derby movie, but you guys...get this... #itgetsevenbetter. It's a Roller Derby movie that is also a parody of Romeo and Juliet!!!!! *swoon*

I am soooo stoked about this movie there aren't even words! Like the only way it could get better is if I was in it with Kate Moennig playing the opposing jammer. (just sayin') ****Disclaimer: lest that be read wrong or offensively, I meant that's the only way it could get better for me- not for the movie. :)

Wicked will be donating some shirts and whatnot, and the movie is being made on absolutely no budget. So if you want to help out (or even just check out how awesome it'll be!) here's the link: It's called Star Cross'd Jammers :))))

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=11699 2 5561#!/pages/Star-Crossd-Jammers /211077278904548

So all this talk of showbiz got me thinking (always a dangerous thing)... what if the someone were to make a movie about Wicked HB, who would be cast to play each of us? The idea got me laughing and pondering so hard that I got lackey Liz involved and here's what we came up with:

(In picking these actors/actresses we used resemblance, behaivior, or a mixture of both)

Anita Bonghit- played by Thora Birch

why?: Thora Birch played a super cool (in a hipster meets punk sort of way) character named Enid in the movie "Ghost world". I can definitly see some simmilarities. I realize this is a fairly obscure movie reference (but you should check it out, cause it rocks) and that Thora Birch isn't exactly A-list, but if you ask me, the resemblance is there:

Thora Birch as Enid anita bonghit

Every good casting crew needs backups in mind too, in case their number one pick turns down the role, pulls a Lindsey Lohan on the set of Herbie, or something like that. So some backups I considered casting as Bonghit would be....

natalie portman (because i've seen her get those scary black swan eyes when I do things like tell OMGWTF how much Bonghit idolizes her.) you know...

those eyes.

though I also considered Bjork:

pretty much just because she's Bjork.

BossTrain- played by Betty White
Since her birthday last week, BossTrain has been openly reffering to herself as "old hag" So I wondered "what would BossTrain be like as an old lady???" the answer came to me instantaneously.
(age progression 40 or some odd years)
Better yet BossTrain said not but an hour later "why don't you make me like... Betty White" Already done. Like mother like daughter? Right? :)

Boss9- played by Drew Barrymore
playing off of her previous "I love drugs" comment that we will never let her live down, we had to find an actress that love drugs. Viola.
Drew Barrymore Boss9!

Arielle- played by Paris Hilton Arielle often exclaims "math is hard!" Liz and I figured math was probably hard for Paris Hilton too. Oh that and the resemblance:

Paris Hilton Arielle

If Paris is too busy filming "one afternoon rendevous in Paris" we could always just use Perez Hilton, right?

No one would notice a difference. My only concern is I don't think butt sex makes him throw up, so maybe he'd have a harder time filling this role.

Shit pants- Dog from Beethoven. Totally based on resemblance.
FYSP Doppelganger. clearly.

Liz- played by Shannen Doherty

purely because rumor has it she's a huge jerk on set.
backups:
I think Liz could convincingly be Rosario Dawson
Liz Rosario Dawson

Dumptruck- played by that biker from raising arizona
Except we'd have to clean him up, Dumptruck is much better coiffed.
Voice overs for Dumptrucks character would obviously have to be done by Tom Waits to fully capture him.

Scar (meee!)- Played by Neil Patrick Harris
So the other day I squealed something along the lines of "I found the Unicorn!" and Liz started laughing uncontrollably. Apparently my saying that (coupled with my mannerisms and occasional wardrobe choices) reminds her of Neil Patrick Harris. She's taken to referring to me as NPH. (they're apparently on an initial basis). While some girls may be offended being referred to as a dude, i'm totally okay with it... because like... I've been called worse. And I mean- he's cute right?
NPH Scar
I personally would be honored if Ellen Page would be my backup. And I think I can see the resemblance in mannerisms and looks (on one of my good days)

What a cast!

Review Gear and Enter to Win $100!

2011-04-06T15:37:00.000-07:00

A Sunday at Wicked Skatewear

2011-04-03T18:37:00.000-07:00

I visited Wicked HQ on a lovely Sunday and got a lot of work done.

He looks miserable, but he was dressed like he wanted it.

I also wrote a song about him.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting love notes from customers!

2011-04-02T16:40:00.000-07:00

Some shout outs-
Audrey Deathburn, AASRD not only do you have an awesome name, but your corder notes "I <3 BTrain, I <3 Strychnine I <3 Scar I <3 Anita Bonghit I <3 InjureRogers" kinda made my day
THANK YOU! <3

Penergy from Sun state roller girls, order notes like this one: "Keep those blog entries coming!!" totally reassure me that someone not only reads my ramblings- but might possibly enjoy them too! Thanks for reading!

Also major love to all who "like" or comment on the posts when BossTrain blasts them on Facebook! And just thanks to everyone who reads!

LOVE YOU ALL,
Scar

Scars life on the A list- a week in the life

2011-04-01T16:49:00.000-07:00

Ahoy my friends! How was your week? What a week it has been for the Wicked crew! I think for once I will actually stay true to the concept of a blog and talk about what happened instead of my random thoughts and feelings :) Saturday: I was fortunate enough to attend an LA derby dolls-Rocky Mountain rollergirls scrimmage. It was my first time at the Doll factory! When Bossladies informed the powers that be that they were bringing me they asked "Who is she?" "how old is she?" and "is she important?" I thought the obvious answer to question number three was "well.... no" but it's like, I got in so....... #justsayin'. ;) I was SO STARSTRUCK. Every two seconds I was tugging on boss9s sleeve exclaiming "oh my god it's psychobable, and deranged, and OMG it's skatum o'neal!, and did I just hear them say Iron Maiven" I was also texting bosstrain incessantly. I was even excited about the reffs, "Oh my gosh BossTrain I just saw Thomas Refferson!" I was breathing- kind of. I was so nervous and excited that I pretty much clung to Boss9s side the entire time, smiling ear to ear. Monday: We became models. Our gorgeous faces (one persons face will not be shown, they felt they were showing their "better side"- who that was, well i'll leave that for you to speculate! ;)) will be in five on five in the future! Pictures were taken by the awesome McFly (ref, OCRG), who Liz and I decided is kinda the nicest guy around because when BossTrain started stripping to change her outfit right in front of everyone (#ithappens) he instantly turned a complete 180. #itwasendearing I have no pictures to offer yet- you'll just have to wait! But I will say they may have involved fire extinguishers, fairy wings, the Wicked lavatory, and copious amounts of makeup. All these happenings were also filmed and a "the making of..." video is to be released! I'm kinda sorta stoked. Tuesday (of the week before I believe, but for the sake of continuity I shall take a bit of artistic liscence on the timeline!): I met Dumptruck......... and not long after saw his "better side". True story. He's now working at Wicked and I still have to step back and go "wow I'm peeling vinyl with dumptruck. I.have.the.coolest.job." He makes tranny Tuesdays even more complete (see BossTrains post) and I instantly know who just walked in to the shop when I hear his voice. Also, I have to (get to) email OMG WTF regarding an order. Wicked lackies get all excited and nervous. Bonghit turns red #derbycrushalert I know i've made it big because now on my IM list there are Injure Rogers, Krissy Krash, Bossladies, and OMG WTF. It gives me joy everytime I see it. #stillindisbelief Wednesday: Lackie Liz makes a little mistake on a pair of hotpants. As you know from my "RAWR" hotpants experience, at Wicked if you screw it up, you wear it. She proceeds to paraade about in hotpants that on the FRONT read "don't make me finger you to the box" #Imissedit which made me sad, but I still giggled imagining it! Thursday: buisness as usual. Except JO OF JO SHOW PROMOTIONS GOT HIT BY A CAR. Luckily, she's fine, and she didn't even milk them for thousands of dollars. :) Friday: Begins BossTrains bday weekend! Boss9 taught BossTrain how to shoot things. They tried to use the scantily clad leg avenue model cut outs, but apparently shooting at people (even ones made of cardboard) is innapropriate behaivior. *sigh* Boring. They shoot zombies wearing wicked stickers instead. Then we head to sky high in Costa Mesa, a place fabled to have "wall to wall trampolines" BossTrain is suuuuper excited and we learn she took a Trampoline class in college. You guys- like who gets to do that? When we get there they are booked and the fun has to be postponed, though I really don't know how they said no to a beaming BossTrain in lime tights. I mean.... really, WHO CAN SAY NO TO BEAMING BOSSTRAIN IN LIME TIGHTS? until next time, Scar

It's Warm in Huntington Beach!

2011-03-31T15:08:00.001-07:00

While I'm laughing at Barb's emails (my mom) about how they're getting another snow storm home in Upstate NY/power outages/blah blah ... it's rather toasty in the Wicked Warehouse.

Weather.com says that it's 68 degrees. Strychnine's phone says 77 degrees. Dumptruck's phone says that it's 91.

Don't get me wrong - it is friggen GORGEOUS outside!! 91 feels about right though. Especially since the heat press on my desk is a misty ole 330 degrees.

If you remember when sweet little Shit Pants converted a few dresses from Sourpuss to Sourpiss - Strychnine brought those back in today. All washed & dry.

After my cankles started to sweat and Strychnine had the right idea to crank up her jeans while running around barefoot - I put on one of these dresses. I never wear a dress and feel super awkward right now.

Then. The moment happened. Dumptruck (seriously - how I get anything done in this warehouse while he speaks in his Mississippi accent is beyond me) commented on how he was also feeling a little warm so I offered him a dress.

Please keep in mind that I fumbled with this dumb string lace corset thing in the front of my dress for a good five minutes. I complained the entire time. Once I figured it out. I pelvic thrusted in Strychnine's general direction and she fired me.

When searching for the perfect dress for Mr Dumptruck, I found one similar to mine though in burgandy ... thankfully there was a halter in stock to fit his manly shoulders.

Here is how Wicked Skatewear is Working It Out on Thug Thursday! Not to be confused with Tranny Tuesday ...

The Special Peoples Club

2011-03-28T16:31:00.000-07:00

first things first- "Welcome to the Doll house" anyone? Second favorite movie of all time, Number one being "Dancer in the Dark". #shamelessplug(s) secondly- I am SOOOOOOOO sorry I 've been gone so long! My dear people of the blog world (AKA the "assinine blog of the Wicked Idiosphere" --Direct quote from some hate mail), I have missed you dearly. thirdly- WARNING: #Ireallylikehashtagstoday fourthly(?)- The actual blog post. We're special. This is obvious. Whether we are special for the better or the worse is open to interpretation. BossTrain is so ADHD that energy drinks have no effect on her, Boss9 is colorblind, and Scar- is well, Scar. (Also, she blogs about herself in third person. Purty special.) What else makes Wicked so special? Well Slutts can't start her day until all beds are made, can't go to bed until all dishes are washed and most importantly she cannot eat scrambled eggs unless the "stringy white thread-thing" is removed before cooking. If anyone was wondering it's called "Chalaza". Because of this aversion bossladies promptly sent her a gift- and thanks to the "Tidee egg Chalaza removal tool" slutts can now scramble freely. :) *I would like to add in to this that Scarlene and Injure are extra special because when ruminating about what exactly the "white stringy thing" was; they concluded that it must be the chickens moms tampon string. How's that for a mental image? I'm Pretty sure Tidee egg tool sales are going to grow exponentially now. They should thank me. Or give me a job in advertising. Or maybe just give me some stock.... never too young to start your portfolio. Lackey Arielle is special too- besides her extreme dislike for black and brown together, white boys with afros, and feet; she is very ticklish- on her butt. DISCLAIMER: I DID NOT LEARN THIS FROM EXPERIENCE. She actually announced it in the warehouse, 'cause our warehouse is a special place. When I told Liz about this blog post I was drafting she exclaimed "the whole post could be about you!!!!" one of the things that makes her so special is her never ending urge to exploit others weaknesses. More on this later. So prehaps I'm one of the more interesting- er... eccentric of the lackies. SO BE IT. Some of the things that make me special are as follows..... I am OCD, like for real. My main obsession is emetophobia, the fear of throwing up. Also as a part of the OCD I like things to be even, and can't stand it when only one or two bubbles in bubble wrap are popped. When around me: if you pop one, you pop them all. I hate being touched, not because I believe the people are unclean, it just bothers me. (but then sadly enough most people who know me know this, so when I actually just really need a hug everyone thinks they are being respectful by keeping their distance.) #quandary I feel as if I'm being eviscerated when I force myself to make eye contact. I am almost always embarrassed, and blush easily. I hate when people touch their collarbones. I cannot- will not- eat at hometown buffet or chili's. I'm legitimately afraid of flamingos. I don't mind bugs- except cockroaches, they need to all die. Now one could correctly assume that because we are all so special it makes the workplace a very interesting experience. In fact, Wicked Skatewear believes in the utmost workplace safety. For example, I can sleep rest assured that no one at wicked Skatewear will pop only five assorted bubbles on a full sheet of bubble wrap. #*cough*LIZ That no one would EVER DARE to scream "Scar there's a cockroach right behind you!!!!!!!" (I ran so fast my hat flew off), or throw a stuffed flamingo in my direction. Everyone would see how cruel it is to drum on their collarbone, or make fake retching noises. And I know for certain that NO ONE AT WICKED WOULD EVER DREAM OF CHASING ME AROUND WITH A USED TOILET BOWL BRUSH UNTIL I COWER IN THE CORNER, THEN PROCEED TO RUB IT ON MY HAIR AND FACE. #shereallydidthat #Ialmostcried #Ifeltsicktherestofthenight If this at all inspires you to be a bit more accomodating to peoples specialness, may I suggest first changing the way you speak on the track. Injure, (who's special because the big things don't bother her but the little things make her "batshit".) would like everyone to know that there is in fact no 'capra aegagrus hircus' in roller derby. You know when people in derby say "get a goat"? Yeah. It's GOAD not GOAT. I had no idea. This tripped my mind almost as much as finding out that there is no name in Spanish spelled as "Xavier" that's pronounced Ex-ay-vi-er, "Xavier" is actually just the traditional spelling for Javier. #mindblown So one could just start saying "get a rooster" or "get a cow" or even "get an alpaca" (depending on the geographical location of ones farm) because all would be equally random. Go and think about that for awhile. I know I did.

An Emotional Dispair Collage!

2011-03-23T10:56:00.000-07:00

Moments. We live in them. You live in them. Some are more longer, shorter and hilarious than others.

From time to time, I receive the email or phone call - HEY! MY ORDER! IT'S WRONG! This one was special so I asked Fun Buns to share. Please be reminded that I didn't even know that American Apparel offers 1 color thigh highs so clearly insert a super confused face onto my face. My face during this moment would be the poster for Tara Armov's Knuckle Dragging Blog: http://reddiabla.blogspot.com/

Enjoy that mental picture.

Email:
I wanted RETRO socks, like those pictured. I saw myself magically skating faster and looking hotter... then I saw there were black with WHITE stripes... what's better than that?? NOTHING. Somehow, I've either lost my ability to see white stripes or I got some ugly socks to wear when I go home to Brooklyn this winter (no snow up my skirt). The listing is for black w/ white, the rest are white w/ whatever colors... I didn't pay $14 of my hard earned cash to get some old man socks... I want my sexy retro socks. Please look at my collage of doomed shopping dreams and tell me I'm NOT crazy for thinking my order is slightly... no.. not slightly, is it way OFF.
-A very disillusioned customer

So I look at the picture then giggle because Strychnine filled the order and handles all purchasing.

I'm sorry - is this what you're looking for Fun Buns?

Don't worry - I'm including a pair of our Speed Demon socks for you to skate faster and thank you for humoring me!!

Love,
B-Train

Dear Dog

2011-03-22T22:57:00.000-07:00

While we appreciate full on cute and entertainment all the time, we understand that you are still a puppy so we will have good days and bad days.

Thankfully I was walking by as you were lifting a leg on a few dresses. Scarlene politely advised that it's Sourpuss ... not Sourpiss.

Now - Strychnine and Scarlene will wrastle over who wants the medium or the large. This midget will plot for you to pee on something smaller.

Love,
Mom Train

Email I have to share!

2011-03-15T09:05:00.000-07:00

From time to time - I really wonder who pissed in your cheerios. Seriously. Life happens. We get it. Things go awesome and things go really friggen bad. I pay attention to how you act when things are really poopy. Yes. It does suck when we mess up an order. We do what we can to remedy the situation based on our resources. I get hotel rooms upgraded for being polite when Dick9 is screaming her face off in the background about things being bullshit. Hi! Doesn't help the situation.

Preface: We copy/paste what people type as their address and enter it directly into the usps site. Sometimes you get it. Sometimes you don't so when the postal service doesn't recognize your address, you'll receive a call or email from us. If it's a few days & we don't hear from you, we cancel & refund your order. We're not trying to hold onto funds when we can't deliver the goods. Oh yes - you know where this is going.

OMFG!!! PUMP THE BREAKS. I dug thru multiple orders over the past YEAR and this person left us the WORST review on our survey. To which I contacted & received no response. Here's what I have thus far and more posts on this subject in the future. BRB!

"Hey, B-Train-

I was appalled and dismayed to receive my order from Wicked last night.

It is order # blah blah. I placed the order for this shirt weeks ago and while I was out of town, you contacted me to tell me that you were sure that I didn’t want a white tank (which you were correct, that was my error) so for me to respond confirming that and when I didn’t, you cancelled the order. When I asked for the order to just be re-instated, you told me I had to re-enter all the information again in a brand-new order.

So that was really an irksome inconvenience, but I did it because it’s a gift for one of our local television journalists. In my new order, it clearly states BLACK. What did I receive last night? A WHITE personalized tank. This will not do because the woman this shirt is for is a breast cancer survivor and not comfortable wearing white.

And you can bet that I expect this same order to be corrected and rushed through and shipped priority at no additional cost to me. And I’m not going to pay for shipping to return this mistake to you. If you want a photo of the wrong shirt to verify the error, I will do so.

Please advise.

We has goals and dreams! Not just had. HAS.

2011-03-11T22:37:00.000-08:00

I recently posed this question to the Wicked posse (don't we sound cool when I call us a posse?): What did you want to be when you grew up, and if you feel you still have more growing up to do what are your future goals?

Injure, Slutts, and Scarlene responded close to immediatly, because they rock- so they already have that covered for their future.

Scarlene: Currently the manager of Wicked LA

Scarlenes future goals are to "cut in a straight line" and be able to do math without counting on her fingers.

Totally serious.

Slutts: Currently head of website bizniz for Wicked

Growing up in a "quirky" town she now misses; Ms. Quesada (yes I am aware it sounds wierd to call her that, but I still have not found a name for her I feel comfortable using and shows the proper respect -_-) wanted to be an artist. She's one of few who actually got to acheive her childhood dreams :) Her future goals are a bit more complicated so allow me to qoute verbatim:

"834, 1222, 1107, 211, and Dorf on Golf"

We at Wicked Skatewear have big plans. As shown by the two above, clearly; but prehaps even better displayed by Injure Rogers....

Injure: currently involved with Wicked sales

She wanted to be a dancer, but this required time and money; so "beer was more of a priority". Despite thinking she had dodged the bullet of a lifetime of footabuse due to pointe shoes skates have done the trick quite nicely. As for the future- I feel it is again necessary to use her own words:

"Now I'm applying to law school. Not 'cause I have some pie in the sky dream of being some famous litigator (although I must say representing Charlie Sheen would be full of win), but because I want to fill out paperwork no one understands but me and get paid obscene amounts of money to do it."

As you will read later on, Beer and careers in law are repeating motivations for the Wicked crew. SO........We like to argue and drink?

Except maybe not always in that order.

Or, in Scar's case, delete step two entirely.

Hey, at least it leaves more time for step one. ;p

Liz: currently lackie extraordinaire

wants to be a hobo in a hippie car.

....You can't make this stuff up folks.

Boss9: currently the head honcho

Had no plans because she honestly did not expect to live past 21. HA! I guess life showed her ;)

BossTrain: currently the top dog

Below you will find a recounting of the ambitious academic life of BossTrain *with real time Boss9 commentary in red on the sides!*

Originally she wanted to be an attorney, while Boss9 thought she'd be "fucking vicious" Bosstrain decided it was too booorrring. *written to be read in the same voice used to heckle anyone or anything that bores Wicked. By the time she was to start college she wanted to be a Bio Major because she was a self proclaimed "huge science nerd" while I was trying to comprehend how one could want to be a Bio Major (no offense to anyone who is, in fact my dad teaches biology, but it's just not my cup of tea) Boss9 interjected "so you could make crystal meth for me" BossTrain wanted Wicked to know that "thankfully for" us, she found her love of drinking (Deja vu? I'm telling you- it's a theme), and gave up the Biology for Enviromental Science and policy (a major with significantly less math and chem). At this point I remarked "I LOVE Chem" and Boss9 followed that up with "I love drugs". Through her three years of undergrad (I say three because she took so many AP classes she entered two semesters ahead) she "fell in love with mapping" so she worked for Greenhorne & O'Mara doing digital elevation models. I think she may have defined for me exactly what that is, but the vocabulary was so esoteric and utterly beyond me that I just smiled, nodded, and used some deductive reasoning to get the general idea. Meanwhile, all the time she's telling me this stuff she's smiling wider than i've ever seen and even her eyes are lighting up. My momTrain is so smart. +BY THE WAY... hows that scandal spreading going for you guys? If we can each set a goal to spread the rumor that BossTrain is my mother to four people just think how many people we'll have reached! If that does not work I will have to send you all one of those chain texts, where if you don't pass it on to at least ten people you die, or I don't know get visited by some girl who got murdered by her family and friends.+ Eventually she began working for the University of Maryland's Geography department doing remote sensing and wildland fire mapping. To this Scar said "GO TERPS!" and Boss9 said matter-of-factly "NERD"

We were actually lucky enough to get in contact with her former boss from this job-Mr. Sohlberg. (how cool is that?!) He was a total sport (plus he came bearing pictures!), and had this to say about being Bosslady's boss:

"I met Bethany when she was an energetic new environmental science graduate. Its been over a decade since she showed up and worked for several years in our lab at the University of Maryland's Department of Geography as a junior member of the research faculty (that's right, she was a member of the faculty). Her job was processing huge volumes of satellite remote sensing data from NASA's new Moderate Resolution Imaging Spectroradiometer (MODIS) instrument. It was what we called "turning the crank" and she was good at it because she never let our UNIX computers sit idle and she was very organized. We were creating high resolution maps of the world's changing forests, particularly looking at carbon stocks and deforestation. Believe it on not, Bethany has made valuable contributions to global change science which are used to this day. I can't really say anything bad because she never screwed up.
She was, as you can imagine, a lot of fun to have around. We did notice a peculiar odor emanating from her cubicle. Turned out to be a bag of stinky old hockey gear she would store under her desk before a game. I remember going to see one of her games. My wife was very pregnant, it was a brutally hot summer, and it was great to be sitting in a freezer. I wonder if it was that in utero exposure that prompted my now eight year old girl to take up the game -- she loves women's hockey and rocks with the boys, too. She also sports a practice jersey courtesy of Wicked which Bethany imprinted with a big "Q" -- the first letter of her name.
Shortly after that visit to the rink, Bethany left with us for a field work detail with the U.S. Forest Service to study the impact of a series of devastating wildland fires which hit NorCal and Oregon in the summer of 2002, especially the 600,000 acre Biscuit Fire. Here are pics of her on the fire line in the yellow and green Nomex gear of the USFS:

We worked with the USFS, BLM and CalFire that summer, driving up and down desolate fire roads where the stumps were still smoking and the ground was still hot. Before embarking on this deployment, Bethany had gone to Shenandoah National Park where she took the classes necessary to qualify as a Type II Federal Wildland Firefighter. I still remember her squirming around on the ground to demonstrate proficiency getting into a fire survival shelter (aka "shake and bake" bag) in under 25 seconds."

you guys. I AM SO PROUD. How much does she rock! (no question mark because it isn't even a question.) Coolest. science. nerd. ever.

Scar: When I was young (I can hear the groans of disgust that the 16 year old is being nostalgic through the computer) I was pretty much like I am now, indecisive. Two things however have always been the common thread through all my job aspirations: I've always wanted to travel, and help people. My earliest goal I can remember was wanting to be a Cop, working with police dogs. After that I was hellbent on being a missionary/head of an AIDS clinic in Uganda. For awhile I was sure i'd be presidant of the US of A.

Then I departed all altruistic motivations and decided I was going to be an LA Dodger.

I was going to break the gender barrier (see I tried to sneak some "helping others" in to that too!) in professional baseball. I never had any doubt in my mind that this would happen. I told everyone who would listen, and when they told me (as many of them did) that this would never happen I simply laughed (how sorry they would be one day when I was behind that plate, catching for the Gagne of the time)! This delusion (I suppose one could call it that if i'm truly being honest with myself) was the longest I've ever wanted one thing, and I chased after it whole heartedly. Ten years of my life were devoted to it. I slept,ate and breathed it. It took until freshman year to accept that it wouldn't happen. At which point I decided I wanted to be a Disneyland musician. French Horn to be exact. I have to be honest and say I was actually decently good at it, some days I still dream of just being a gig musician. Then I took a class that changed my life. Criminal civil Law. It was an amazing experience, and enhanced by an incredibly skilled teacher. I decided right then and there to be a lawyer. Until one day when I told my dad of my goals. I told him I figured it'd be the perfect fit because what did I love more than arguing for what (what I believed to be) the moral highground? Being a lawyer would be even better than just arguing for it because a judge could actually FORCE it on people. (I was a little teensy bit self righteous as I'm sure you can tell). My dad told me "you do realize if your a lawyer you don't just always get to argue for who you think is right.... you have to fight for them even if you feel in your heart they're guilty" Well, I simply couldn't stand the thought of "morally compromising myself for money" (again- a bit self righteous, I realize) So there went that dream. A few other goals came and went, including being an adaptive PE teacher, epidemeologist, criminal profiler, or even a, but the time was rapidly approaching where I'd have to start getting serious about where I wanted to go to college, and for what. After I developed a huge obsession with my all time hero, Eleanor Roosevelt, I settled on working for theUN. I'd love the life of a political and social leader. I'd love to travel and help people, and I figured it would put the spanish (that I've been working towards) to good use. So currently i'm taking undergrad classes with the intent of eventually double majoring in International studies and comparitive religion (with minors in Spanish and Hebrew). Except nowadays i'm not so sure. The other day I told BossTrain about my wanting to get a tatoo behind/below my ear and on my neck. She reiterated what I already knew- you can't work at the UN with a neck tatoo. Or pretty much any government job for that matter. I asked only half jokingly if I could be all tatted up and work for Wicked. She told me I could. It seemed like a flippant conversation but it really got me thinking about my life, where I want it to go and how I want to live it. The reasons are far too long (and not even related to wanting a neck tatoo) and the thought process/emotions far too jumbled up to write here, but I have to admit recently I've been thinking about getting involved in buisness, marketing, or even international buisness (reading Seth Godin books and being around BossTrain have both totally changed my perception of the buisness world being boring and morally depricating). I guess i'm starting to feel i'd like to be at Wicked Skatewear as long as they're willing to have me.

I suppose with this and all things, only time will tell. We shall see.

Que Sera, Sera :)

Feeble attempts at convincing the family that Roller Derby and Wicked Skatewear are acceptable, and respectable

2011-03-10T09:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my grandparents (not the homeless one, or the deceased one), who are on vacation here from West Virginia, came to visit Wicked Skatewear. I was totally stoked for them to see my home away from home, and I think secretly I felt I had something to prove. I wanted to show them (with hopes they would relay this to other family members as well) that what I was doing was not poisoning my soul in any way and that actually it was pretty cool. I wanted them to see that Wicked Skatewear is not just two alternative women who couldn't get other jobs so instead hire child labor and chase a pipe dream.
I'm still not sure I accomplished that. I think so. For the most part.

When they arrived Anita Bonghit and I were right in the middle of peeling Vinyl whose letters are all shaped as penises. Of course. So I slickly hid it under some Santa Cruz logos and went to greet them. As I was giving them introductions I absent mindedly said "and Bonghit is in the back". They appeared a bit puzzeled. Lucky for me Bonghit doesn't miss a beat and sticks out her hand saying "Hi I'm ANITA, nice to meet you."
She's totally more presentable than me. Even with the blue hair.
So my grandparents are asking a lot of questions (which made me rather giddy that they were interested, so they probably did it just to humor me) and they were asking how we cut the vinyl so while i'm showing my grandma the rolls we feed in the machine; I see Bonghit in the background making facial expressions that can't even really be described. they were hillarious though. I look down to see a huge sheet of Penis Vinyl "hidden" amongst the rolls i'm showing my grandmother. I now realized Bonghit was trying desperatly not to laugh, so naturally it was contagious and I start holding back an out of place belly laugh of my own. My grandmother puts her glasses on a takes a closer look- at this point Bonghit is nearly bouncing out of her chair, and i'm turning red. My grandma didn't comment on anything though (I still don't know if she saw it or not) and I quickly diverted attention to the heat presses.
The rest of the visit went fairly normally, bar a breif moment of akwardness when they asked what the dogs name was (when I finally told them they simply said "That's a fairly long name...") and before they left my grandpa (who said not once, but twice that Bonghits hair was "really cool") grabbed a Jo Show coozie and a gold glitter Wicked Sticker for his truck. They also dedcided they wanted to come see BossTrain skate in the bout this Saturday night. Success!
I was so excited to have them there, and happy that they left feeling positivly about Wicked, and that i'm in good hands (at least I think they did).
So there you have it, Wicked Skatewear is a "Family friendly" establishment. More or less. ;)

till next time, Scar
*I'd like to take this oppurtunity to give Scarlene a public apology that is long overdue. I'm sorry I took your name. Take heart in the fact that you're super cool, and way more porpular than me, so you'll always be Scar and I will be the nugget who stole your name. In my defense it was none other than BossTrain who dubbed me Scar. I was Scarlett, but she started calling me Scar and it was a better fit, so it stuck. I was just happy she knew my name. It took like over a month of her calling me "HurtQuakes derby wife" before she started getting it, and now look, she can't get rid of me! ;)

Home alone! - Scar holds down the fort.... Or tries to rather.

2011-03-07T08:16:00.000-08:00

*The title was supposed to inspire you to picture me with the same expression as the young Macaulay Culkin on the front of the movie with the same name*

Let me preface this by saying my bosses have clearly lost their minds. This is serious. They left me working the warehouse alone Thursday through Sunday (though I did get help from fellow lackie Jessie on Friday! :)).
I arrived Thursday just in time to recieve a 14 package delivery from UPS filled with copious amounts of bubble wrap; that I may or may not have spread all over the floor so wherever I walked I was amused by the popping sound.
After that I worked on filling orders, one in particular for frosty peaches needed to go out that day to get to radness in time. This posed a small problem in that up until this point I had never had to actually heat press a shirt. I pointed this out to BossTrain and she said (why did I expect anything different?) "Turn on the heat press- and call me". So while she should have been having fun at Wild West Showdown she had to step by step take me through the pressing process. Luckily I avoided burning myself, and-more importantly- successfully pressed a shirt!
I thought I was doing pretty darn good as I printed postage and took a bin full of orders to the post office. So day one went by with little event.
Then came freakout #1.
Day two began peeling vinyl for a team order of jerseys. As I peeled I came to the startling revelation that Jessie and I had only peeled 7 of them in two hours. That was about (very roughly) one every 20 minutes (give a logo). Zoinks! So we got in contact with the bossladies who remained very calm and BossTrain explained to us that it took Boss9 about 4 minutes per logo (this further solidified her "vinyl peeling beast" status in my mind). So the challenge was on- not to brag (#okalittlebit ;)) but by the end of peeling all 73 of those bad boys my record time was 3min. 30sec. I was proud. It's the little things. #don'tjudgeme
Day 3, Freakout #2:
while I was finishing cutting (essentially printing the vinyl) the logos and pressing the completed ones; I heard a horrible sound. I can't even find the proper onomatopoeia to describe it. I jumped over two boxes of track jackets (in one leap, I might add) and orders to where the cutter was to see the vinyl all bunched up and jammed to one side of the cutter, with the monitor reading "motor error". I was so frantic I didn't even think "gee this might make a good blog post- I ought to take a picture". I even almost got the look on my face that BossTrain got when she saw smoke billowing out of her Direct to Garment printer. Not quite- but close. It was awful. I called BossTrain stat- once again, her ever placid self told me "I'm going to need you to unplug it, let it rest 5 minutes, then call me back". After it rested there was no need to call her back because it worked just fine, and I felt silly for freaking out (I'm a bit like a chihuahua- I shake alot and I'm fairly jumpy).
The rest of the day went just fine, and I was so relieved to finish that order!
Then came Sunday. The only really eventful part was when a daddy long legs climed out of my trash bin and went scurrying across the floor. Otherwise I was just trying to get as much done as I could before Bossladies got back.
So in the end I didn't burn anything down, or ruin any orders, or break any machines. Success in my book ;). Thanks goodness for BossTrain being availible for my endless questions, and I can't wait to have Bossladies back! :)

Wicked Dream Board of Directors

2011-03-01T12:27:00.000-08:00

This is kinda like our Hellarad Dream Team. Click here: http://ow.ly/45RYv

While we will more than likely never go public because I loathe 99% of public corporation bullshit protect investor forget about the customers/clients ... picture this with Strychnine and myself because we just LOL'd in our pants. Why were we talking about this? There is a scandal happening right now with one of them ;)

Dov Charney. American Apparel.

John Galliano. Dior.

Richard Branson. Virgin.

Rupaul.

Perez Hilton.

Shit Pants.

Scar. She's on the right and is smarter than all of us combined in this warehouse.

"That which we call a rose.." (The origin of some Wicked names)

2011-03-01T10:50:00.000-08:00

I needed an excuse to qoute Shakespeare in a blog. #ImayhavereadRomeoandJuliet17times

anywho.

At work the other day Boss9 asked Arielle if her mom named her after the little mermaid, she wasn't, but what she was actually named after was so funny it birthed a conversation about the origin of our names. Our parents are kind of fabulous and the grab bag of reasons we were given our names had us rolling in laughter.

So I give you a bonus edition-special-"further reading material" post about how some of the Wicked crew got our names and what they mean (according to handy dandy "babynames.com") :)

Boss9:
Real name: Suzy

Origin: Her older brother got to name her... .except he was two so he named her after a cartoon character :)

Meaning: Suzy is short for Suzanne, A French name meaning "Lily"

BossTrain:

Real name: Bethany

Origin: I got this story straight from the horses mouth! (Figure of speech only, I swear I am not calling Ms. Semeiks a horse) I had intended just to ask BossTrain about how she was named but she replied thusly: "Call my mom! her name is Barb." with a phone number. So I did. "Hi, Ms. Semeiks..... this is Scar...... I work for your daughter at Wicked.....I contribute to a blog for the company, and I needed to ask you a few questions.....thanksbye." was along the lines of the message I left. She returned my call promptly and played along without complaint or question. (and I personally was scared to call her on the same day her daughter was getting a tatoo!) She is totally awesome. Apparently they were going to name BossTrain "Tara" but when she was born she had that trademark blonde hair, an unexpected developement due to her dads hair being quite dark. Barb (I feel odd calling her that but Boss9 assured me that calling her anything other than that was pretty much "unnatural") didn't feel that "Tara" was a fitting name for someone with such light hair so for the duration of the hospital stay she was simply "Baby Williams". To brainstorm the perfect name Ms. Semeiks called her friend and coworker who had just had a daughter herself. That little girl was named Bethany; not only was it a blonde name, but it also started with a B (like her own name) and had a biblical connotation; Barb thought it was so perfect, she asked if she could steal it!

Meaning: It is a Hebrew name meaning "House of Figs"

Liz:

Real name: Lizinda

Origin: Her mother, rollergirl Machine Gun Jubblies, saw the name in an obituary and thought it was pretty

Name meaning: I could not find a meaning for Lizinda, but Liz is a Hebrew name meaning "Gods Promise"

Scar:

Real name: Cozette

Origin: My parents just really liked musical theater, in particular "Les Miserables" based on the book, by Victor Hugo, of the same name. Cosette (spelled the real way, the French way) is the main female character. Still, I think I prefer Eponine.

*When looking up my name for the picture, I read that in the book "Cosette" is a nickname, her real name is Euphrasie Fauchelevant. I'm glad my parents went with Cozette.

Name Meaning: Ironically enough, I (the Jew) am one of few who DOESN'T have a Hebrew name. Cosette is of French and Greek origin and it means "People of Victory" woot!

Arielle:

Origin: Her mom, rollergirl Sandy ;Buns, named her after the preists daughter in Footloose. NOT AFTER THE LITTLE MERMAID. :)

meaning: Also Hebrew, it means "Lion of god" Fierce!

Bonghit:

Real name: Elizabeth Ann

origin: Her moms middle name is Elizabeth, and her Aunts name is Anna.

meaning: Like Liz, Elizabeth means "Gods promise" in Hebrew

Scarlene:

Real name: Arlene

origin: Her moms name is Kathleen, her aunts name is Maureen, so it just is fitting that she would be Arlene. She informed me this caused quite a bit of confusion when her family tried to yell at each other and three people responded ;) Also, she found a baby names book her parents had in which they had considered Zelda. Pre-video game at that! If anyone starts calling her that I will in no way be responsible ;p *take my subtle hint . Do it. I will laugh.*

Meaning: Like her family, the name is Irish and it means "Pledge"

Slutts:(trying hard to say that without feeling like i'm insulting her :))

Real name: Lesley

origin: her mom is an "Obsessed celebrity chaser" so she named her daughter after her favorite actress, Lesley Ann Warren.

Meaning: It's Scottish, and it means "Holly Garden"

Injure:

Real name: Tori/Victoria

Origin: Injure is awesome, and funnier than me, so I will copy and past her email so you can fully appreciate the story in her words. :)

"So my mom is probably the most rational person I know. But for some reason when she was pregnant with me, even though she didn't find out the status of my pelvic region from the doctors, she decided that she KNEW I was a boy. Enough so that she only bought boys clothes, told everyone else to only buy boys' items, and only thought up a boy's name. Ty Russell Talavera it was gonna be.
When I was born she not only popped out the whitest, reddest haired baby my family had ever seen (unlike my dark-haired brown-skinned brother, cousins, etc), but I didn't have a penis (soon I'd have a firecrotch!)!!
Whoopsie! They didn't have a name for me. SO, because she was pressured to name me something other than "Baby Talavera" (nobody puts Baby in the corner!) before we left the hospital she took the weaksauce way out. "Uuuuuuuh, I guess I'll name her after her father, Victor and me, Catherine?" Victoria Catherine Talavera.
And as if that name wasn't long enough already I just yesterday legally changed my name to Victoria Catherine Harris Talavera (to give my mom -the Harris- props where props are due. She raised me, she requires a shout out)."

Meaning: Latin, meaning "Victory"

hope you enjoyed, and maybe even spent the time naming everyone in the pictures :)

Next post!!- What do we want to be when we grow up? ;)

Overfloweth

2011-02-28T19:46:00.000-08:00

Yeah. Do you see that? 1544 messages in my Wicked Skatewear email folder. This DOESN'T include the ones in my Inbox. I'm busy making those changes you all requested and suggested in the Wicked Survey. busybusybusy!

Survey Results!

2011-02-27T21:49:00.000-08:00

Last week - we realized that it was time to check in.

For the 885 people who took the time out of their day to help us, we will help them. How? When I get back from the Wild West Showdown next week - they will receive a 15% off discount code. Don't worry - we already took down the survey so you lazy bastards can't jump on our asses about it ;)

Plus. I am in love with Mourning After Kill of the Mission City Brawlin Betties for making these pie charts for me. I took stats in grad school and thought I could have made nice with excel tonight. Not so much. I can make fancy jpgs in Photoshop from excel. Take that.

Guess what? I read every single comment and suggestion.

A few takeaways:
1.) We know about the sizing and here's what we do for you! http://ow.ly/44vWs
2.) If it's web related - I'm already with Lesley on it (I'll have her talk about how much she hates me for the million emails fired in her general direction these past few hours!)
3.) I'm good/at peace with the results. We're doing okay and I know that we can't please everyone. The last chart doesn't make sense to me because I literally emailed the whole 6 people who said that their issue wasn't resolved. That's WAY less than 32% ... more like less than 1% ... so if we don't know about something - we cannot help.
4.) I am so pumped about how many people responded. Seriously. Thank you!!!

The fun survey results!

2011-02-27T21:47:00.001-08:00

885 people from around the world answered our survey! Here's the fun part of my job - reading what you kids have to say. The data pie charts will be in another post!

What you could change about our website or 1 thing that you could buy from our site that we don't currently offer:

Fatty sizes, but you guys said you would customize for me so I have no reason to complain. Love you guys. And shit pants of course.

More dancing unicorns and pegasii

More rabid badgers.

Used underwear.

A Dance with Dick-9 at the Madonna Inn

fembot on roller skates?

It's so awesome it blows my mind, so maybe tone that down a little? Just kidding. Can't think of any suggestions, I like your website.

More dick jokes.

i'm spoiled. if you don't have. you can usually get it. and this is why Wicked is ALWAYS SO MAGICAL ALL THE TIME.

and buttsecks.

Put my face on the front page? No ok seriously the only change I would do is to move the catagories to the top and put the links on top on the side or down at the bottom

Add a live chat to B-Train, the hilarity that would ensue would make it a regular chatting hotspot.

Less B-train...signed, (BossHogg)

A pony! Just kidding. You guys have a great site. I was going to put gear here but now you sell it. Booya.

Condoms and lube!

"Stalk B/Strychnine" buttons for easy stalking. Or if I'm being serious, a section for new stuffs (didn't there used to be one?) or larger/non-stock images of a reasonable size.

Flesh eating ponies. Can I really only pick one? I have a lot of good ideas.

Free Taco Coupons?

82% more pictures of Dumptruck in hotpants.

If I could have two things, it would be more boobs.

A frosty adult beverage for the classy dames that run this site... Not because I don't think you are lacking in the frosty adult beverage department, but because I'd like to see some CLASSY dames running this website. If I could get two things, it would be a cup to protect my dick from all the punches headed (heh, "headed") its way from the first answer.

More reviews by Strychnine and/or B-train.... Especially on gear, wheels, and boutfits.

Severed head.

Peanut Butter and Honey sammiches

condoms

more buttplugs!

Moar 187 schtuff? Iono man. I wanted the knee gaskets and you made them happen and they are like magical unicorns on my knees but less pointy. Also, I've been drinking champagne for a good 3 hours now.

customized unitards

a Wicked bong

A hunky stud in a pair of briefs

Rainbow makers and flying Unicorns.....

Bay Area Derby Girls merch. Or a "Bay Area D-Bag" shirt. MORE HELLARAD STUFF.

I would like to purchase provocative photographs of Suzy "Strychnine" Dancisin. I find that this market is grossly underserved.

more naked women... oh wait wrong website. YOUR website is just fine!

Maybe links to video or pics of people using the products you sell... everyday Janes n Joes.

hookers and blow

you would ship free to canada.

a date with B-Train!

Orange track jackets with a star strip up the sleeves.

A bag of pistachios. p.s. - really like what you have going here.

A flesh eating rabbit named Germaine.

I don't think there is a thing that I want that you don't have ... except the sticker that says "my inner child is a mean mother fucker"

Huge, pink and metallic vibrators

A new ass. I got knocked down last practice and I found out that my ass cracked. Talk about a bad break

interactive scratch n sniff

umm...the dog. Or B's booty. OR 9's hair. Or...this could go on for hours. Four Loko. Yes, that is what I want from your store. Love you girls!

The shirt Flash Gordon wears in the 1980 classic. It says "FLASH" and it's a tight ringer.

Nothing, it's very easy to navigate and spend many hours I'm supposed to be working filling my cart up and calculating how many meals my husband can skip per pay period to pay for need to have my derby name on EVERYTHING that exists...

Wicked Skatewear

Design Strychnine's Skates!

Plates, Trucks and Chickens - Oh My!

Riedell: Factory Tour!

What's this Heel Lock that you speak of?

Cupcakes- the result!

Wicked Skatewear - A Case Study!

Regional Death March

CUPCAKES!!!

Rollerderby and the five degrees of Kevin Bacon

Bruises! Take care of them pls!

Rollercon: the results

Flags!

Conversations in the warehouse!

Rollercon challenge teams- continued!

Protech-ting your pearly whites

Douchelene gets you pregnant

Customer notes are the highlight of my day.

For those of you who do not know us, Liz and I love to argue

DBC is MY home girl!

Endpapers and the unbearable lightness of B-Train

Eye Contact!

pregnancy scares can be fun. (at least for those around you!)

¿Como se dice......?

Someone who loves me very much went to New York and I made shirts

It's official. Pubs are the same the world over. Right?

Wicked Hijinks - Albany! Behind the scenes!

Living in B-Train's email!

Dear Sandy Buns

Trace your foot please!

Hard at work as always- My first video blog

Logo Pealing Contest!

In our heads- Scar's very scientific hand/brain analysis.

Dentist trips can be less than pleasant.

Oh those arm bands!

I blame fast food.

Starting Wicked

Douchelene is not to be trusted.

Hiring. It's Entertaining!

Wanted: Lackey for Wicked Skatewear, Requirements: must be ok with being blogged about

Augusta to Albany: The Sirens Saga

Derby lil Secrets!

Kids *MGMT plays in background*

The $100 Gift Cert Goes To!

sweet wheels!

We're hiring!

Liz- the Delilah of Wicked Skatewear

Preface to Wicked Showbiz- READ FIRST! :)

Wicked Showbiz

Review Gear and Enter to Win $100!

A Sunday at Wicked Skatewear

I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting love notes from customers!

Scars life on the A list- a week in the life

It's Warm in Huntington Beach!

The Special Peoples Club

An Emotional Dispair Collage!

Dear Dog

Email I have to share!

We has goals and dreams! Not just had. HAS.

Feeble attempts at convincing the family that Roller Derby and Wicked Skatewear are acceptable, and respectable

Home alone! - Scar holds down the fort.... Or tries to rather.

Wicked Dream Board of Directors

"That which we call a rose.." (The origin of some Wicked names)

Overfloweth

Survey Results!

The fun survey results!

Kids MGMT plays in background